We are just at different points Hope. I wish for you to not get here, where you are comfortable if there's a divorce. It's truly NOT what I want, but I'm ready for it. If he thinks he can do better than that's what he needs to do. If he can do better than me, then that's a great amazing unreal life, and I would encourage him to go find it. Yeah, it sounds arrogant but seriously, I'm not so bad. I've done a lot of work on me externally and more important, internally. This whole experience has been more difficult than anything else in my life, but I truly have changed and grown as a woman and a mother.
I love him enough to let him go now. But I love me even more to let him go now. I can say I did everything I possibly could.
So now, we wait and see.
Frankly, I wanted to go home. Not that I don't love sleeping with H at night, I truly do, but that night, just wanted to go back to my place and chill out. So I did.
Installing the filter. It's something I learned from Mach1. He's around every now and then and he's saving his marriage after a very very tough, long hard road.
The filter is installed by you, and it's place between your brain and your mouth and has a stopper between your heart and your mouth. Basically, the stopper keeps you from saying ANYTHING from your heart during heated arguments. Very beneficial.
The filter from your brain to your mouth only allows the logical, well thought out thoughts to get through and it also filters out your ability to sound angry and/or snide.
And in a situation where you have nothing to say, it allows you to convey that in a very neutral non-attacking kind of way.
It's amazing. Aside from getting my self-confidence back, it's been my best tool.
