I agree with Snodderly re not screwing up our spouses as kids BUT we have to look in the mirror at ourselves too to see how we contributed to our spouses unhappiness.

So much goes on at a subconscious level. They push, we pull, they spin, we spin faster and so we`re off on a merry go round.

I have unwittingly fallen into the pattern of H`s parents` dysfunctional relationship. I became his Mom all controlling, ANGRY, to his replication of his Dad`s pattern-withdrawn, and ANGRY.

Phew! Great to get out of that dance!

Can`t blame the parents for all of it. Its essential to look at ourselves.