HI IAMLOST!!!! "Are you found" yet? Good to hear from you, how are you?
My stbxH is regretting everything he did. The gloss and fantasy he lived in the year we were together and while he was with her is gone. That lasted 13 months.
I dont know if I told you guys, I read 1000 emails dated since Sep-Oct 2006. Up until Dec and maybe summer 2007 they were living the perfect love. After that and until stbxH left our home they were stabilised but with some high points when on trips together etc. Although I didnt read many emails from him (just 3 actually for the entire 3 year period) her emails were very telling. As soon as he left our home, things shifted. She is eager to take the next step, he is CRUSHED because of the kids reactions. He is having second thoughts and she panicks blackmailing him she will email me.
3 monthns in DBing he changes with me as well. Negative feelings are gone. We are moving into the friendship stage. I am consistent. He buys me the famous silver sandals, stays longer at the house, accepts the invitations for lunch, lingers, goes by my house when I am not there, sleeps in our bed, eats lunch with my parents, buys me a watch (one for all of us-kids and him) etc etc
During the summmer she got really upset. Started telling him I am not one with the kids and that she should go to a shrink to separate me from the kids. She urges him to leave us behind for good and that she cant accept the kids' excuse for much longer.
All this time she uses the guilt card about the pregnancy, about the age she is at and what would happen to her if he left her etc etc:"I would have niothing and at an age that I will not be able to have kids while you will have them, always, enjoy them etc etc". I dont know his responds, I know she turned off her cell in summer 2008 for some time and set an ultimatum. He didnt buy it. Right about the same time, I start to glow because I am in love and calmly tell him I want the divorce. He agrees.When I come from NY he wants back.
And then she begs, pleads, tells him he is making a mistake. She is doing all I did when he left. Funny how tables turn, huh?
Why am I saying this? DB actually worked for me. Their affair IMO is dead even if they dont know it yet although he says he is sure about it. Everything went the way the books say.
The affair made him happy, made him "crazy" but as soon as the first stage was over, he realised it wasnt everything as he thought it would be. While I was DBing the affair faded. I became the OW. He was lying to her, telling her it's only the kids while to me he kept saying he didnt want the divorce and stressed many times that it was NOT because of the kids.
She complained about lack of tenderness, communication, will to see her. He had turned with her as he was with me during his affair. At the same time, he started touching me and kissing me (not sexually).
I think my stbxH sees all that now. He regrets it. He feels like a jerk. And I sorta of agree with him. K
imlost, I dont regret anything I have done. I think I did fine. I am sad and wanted my happy ending. I didnt get it. Maybe next time. Who knows?
