Dear Starving, You are getting some good advice here. And it is good you are in counseling but bad that the couselor seems to shy away from the topic...since that is why you are going to him in the first place! Have you tried talking this over in a phone consult with Michele?
Did you see the 20/20 episode on two marriages where the H withheld sex and drove the wife crazy? Two different reasons for the withholding and I am sure there are many more than just those two reasons.
Snarch is a sex therapist here in my home state and the book jigi rec'd is a good one.
And I agree that baking a cake shows that he really wants to love you but maybe is wondering what the heck is wrong with him anyway. Sexual desire for your partner can get messed up by so many things! My husband withheld sex for two years and when I finally confronted him he reacted badly and blamed me...but then somehow we reconciled for two years before he did it again, and then HE left and found someone else that affirmed him enough that he could have sex with her. He says I was critical and nonaffirming. And I was...but only after he withheld everything but the kitchen sink. honey, it could be so many things, and it is going to take some time and patience to sort it out. If he is concerned about his lack of sex drive, a man tends to blame the wife so that he doesn't have to feel like less of a man, ya know? The pressure to perform is tuf for a guy cause he can't fake it like we can. Is it possible that you could tell him that it isn't so much the actual sex but the way it makes you feel when he sexes you up...like you are loved and valued and protected and cherished. So that as long as he hugs you and laughs with you and bakes you a cake every now and then, you can accept that he really does love you. BUT is there anything that you are doing wrong in the sex arena that is a turn off for him just plain sexually? Cause if there is, you want to fix it for him. I guess I'm saying that if you have the strength to accept that he really does care but is just a lost soul sexually, then maybe you can coax him outta his funk by taking the blame on yourself and making it seem like you just want to pleasure him the way you remember he pleasured you. Ya know? Well, girlfriend, good luck and hope it works out. Maybe a change in counselors is what is needed at this point? gd
