She might feel that way. I used to feel that my H waited until we had company (especially his family) to start immediately washing dishes! It would make me so angry b/c his mother would feel soooo sorry for him having to do all the housework. Puke! Yes, it might be best if you did those jobs when nobody was around b/c it probably causes her to resent you more than appreciate you....especially when cracks are made like her dad made. It is a slam against her (even if he didn't mean for it to be.) I may not would recognize that if I had not be put in the same spot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You keep writing again about how your W acts this way and that, then say that you are not watching her. Yes you are.
My W is the same way. She's lost alot of joy in her life, but is that my problem? No. You keep doing things for YOURSELF. Not because you want a reaction from her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yeah, but I clean the table every night. We used to have a deal where whoever cooked didn't clean the table. But when I started noticing her being stressed when she came home, I would cook then clean and let her wind down with the kids. For a while it worked fine. Now all of a sudden she seems upset about it. Anyway, 3 days until Retrouvaille and i am getting nervous.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Hi O, Just popping in to say hello. Been on the road all day so I had time to listen to the audio version of Dale Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." Excellent read/listen if you have the time. Lot of common sense things that we need to be reminded of from time to time. Chapter 12 was a huge boost to me today.
Good luck at Retrouvaille. I'm going to run this past my W when the time is right. Let us all know how it goes.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
being defensive while DBing (or any R) is fruitless.
Make it a goal to learn how to validate. Until you learn how you are digging a deeper hole. Handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I will be remembering you for the next 3 days and into your Retrouvaille weekend. Know that in your 3rd day morning there, there will be one more voice that has been praying for you.
Sincerely hope it will help you as much as it has helped my M, and maybe even more. Best of luck and wishes
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Thank you for the prayers. I am not trying to be defensive, I am trying to make sure I continue my 180s without pissing off w. Deep, I will have to check out your threads.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I am trying to make sure I continue my 180s without pissing off w.
dat workin' for ya?
Quote:
Yeah, but I clean the table every night. We used to have a deal where whoever cooked didn't clean the table. But when I started noticing her being stressed when she came home, I would cook then clean and let her wind down with the kids. For a while it worked fine. Now all of a sudden she seems upset about it.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
