You are doing some self-reflection, which is awesome! I am so glad the counselor gave you a lot to think about.
I think you are partly right about needing to accept yourself first. I do believe that there are a lot of people out there who love you regardless, even if you don't love yourself. But it is so key that you learn to love and accept yourself as you are. Because that will help you to be strong enough not to settle for anyone who doesn't also accept you as you are.
On that note, I think she is right about that. A BIG essay at Retro was on the topic of "Do I see the 'real' you?" re. our spouse. And the follow up questions was, "Once I have seen the real you, do I accept you?" My answer was yes and my h's was "I don't know if I can accept you as you are". Hello, red flag!
If you have to change for someone, then you aren't being the person you really are. I mean of course, there are things we can all do to change that just make us better in general. Like trying to be more organized since I am not organized at home. But in the big picture, you have to be comfortable with who you are and not try to be something else to make other people like you. It is what you probably taught Marc when he went off to school and wanted to make friends. But we don't always apply it to ourselves...
