gs ...Journaling, Still reading “the book” but the next chapters would be easier to do with a companion. Today I blew it. Wife was leaving to go camping with her GF for three days. I will be leaving on my journey the day she returns before she gets back. She was getting ready and I so wanted to go and give her a big hug and kiss good bye but I felt she is uncomfortable when I do this and since emotions ran high (at least with me) the other day and we declared our “separation” I just told her to have a really good time and left. I was really waiting for her to call when she arrived. I wanted to hear how the place /weather was…and so on but………… Instead of calling home she just called son’s (12) cell phone. Son did not ask me if I wanted to talk. He just hung up and said mom said Hi. I told him I wanted to talk to her. So I tried to call her back but she did not answer. The reception is not good where she is and she may have climbed out of the valley to call son. I left a message to call me I tried several times but no luck….. But the more I thought about how she called son and not me I stated feeling really hurt inside. I can’t explain it. I was really hurting inside. This is where I blew it. I sent her a text message saying “It really hurt my feeling you not calling me when you got there” I am sorry but I just felt so hurt and needed to express it. It’s my weakness to express my feelings... just the opposite of my wife who never expresses it. From the book they talk about detaching they call it “differentiation –it is the process by which we become uniquely ourselves by maintaining ourselves in a relationship with those we love” MY problems is I suffer from is “Emotional Fusion” an example is Lorena Bobbitt, she was with a bullet in her brain and she still loves her philandering husband and believes in his innocence’s…or a woman who pleaded with a judge from her wheel chair to drop the attempted murder charges against her BF who grabbed her arm and dragged her with his car after they had an argument and she tried to stop him from leaving…. I am not saying I suffered those extremes but I still have it
Well I sent it it’s too late to worry about it tonight... Need to get son in bath and then bed for school tomorrow… I am ready for the floggings
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
