Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Not trying to hijack here BJ, but I wanted to post this here, as posts from Sandi and people like her, and yourself, have been at the heart of me realizing something this morning that has blown me away. It's helping me with the emotion of the past couple of days, and maybe could be a piece to your own puzzle help, even though our sitch's, lives, the people we are are different.

As I look at my W currently, I see where my anger and resentment now comes from.

Where was this women throughout our R? This is the women I new existed, but never could find. Not saying she is perfect, and with her needed to leave me its certainly not so.

She's confident, super attractive, and the current commitment and dedication to the things she is doing are higher than I have ever seen.

The house is cleaner than its ever been, she cleans her car, works out, is going to classes she wants to take, looking into career options, went to some real estate classes, and on and on.

All things that were completely missing from her in our R. I tried so hard to get some of that out of her, taking her even to real estate classes when we started looking at investment properties, countless times asking her what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, to take some pride in what we had already, and try and maintain it.

That resentment from me over this I see now, and needs to be cleared somehow. She's going to live a great life. Without me. The one that I had been trying to find for us, and in her, our whole relationship!

Damn that hurts, and now I know why I need to work on GAL stuff as well, I can't wallow around in pity and misplaced pride. The only thing I can hope to do is live a great life without her too.

I see the woman I always new was there now, and it hurts bad that she thinks she needs to leave to be that woman.

IWITW,

I've seen the same behavior with my own W. I've even called her on it, especially the working out and the tan. Where the hell was all of this dedication and hard work before the A? It's amazing how the WAWs will gripe about how their Hs didn't take the initiative to make improvements themselves before the chaos but can't see themselves from the same perspective. Same with the "too little/too late" attitude when the Hs start taking corrective measures in the midst of the crisis while the WAWs work their butts off getting as physically fit as they can possibly be.

Where I disagree with the poster of that quote is when he assumes that his WAW is "going to live a great life". There are several reasons why I don't necessarily think my W is going to "live a great life" if she blows up our family with a D. Not that I wish my W a life of suffering post D- I don't- however I do wish to see her reap everything she sows- to be held accountable.

First and foremost is the fact that my W (and yours) are cheaters. They broke all of the covenants they made with us when they married us. Their marriage vows were and will always be the most sacred and important promises they have made in their lives- and they couldn't honor them. You and I on the other hand have honored our marriage vows.

Secondly is the fact that both of our Ws put their own welfare and selfish desires ahead of their Hs, kids and family. You and I have done the opposite.

I could go on, but you get the idea. This kind of despicable behavior by our Ws hardly lays the foundation for a future full of happiness. If I was a betting man, I'd lay heavy odds that you and I have a better shot at long term happiness than our WAWs do. JMHO.