A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Maybe....
But.... don't use too much energy trying to analyze it!

You are doing the things you need to be doing, no matter what the case. Don't let his actions throw you right now. I think he's in that confused place... he has to find his way out on his own, all you can do is make it safe for him.

Thanks, Jeff! And safe is really what I'm working on for him.

He feels safe in an ordered house. He feels safe in an environment of praise and acceptance. He feels safe when there is little or no pressure on the R.

As for angst over his R with OW - well, knowing him as I do, he crossed a line with me last night. Yes, he can rationalize it by minimizing - "We just watched a movie on the couch." But for someone who is allegedly being exclusive with/loyal to OW, he crossed the line and he knows it. So I'm guessing (mind reading) that some of his anxiety, conflictedness and sleeplessness might be due to guilt over 'cheating' on OW. And his use of perseverating might even be related to what we might call an obsessively stubborn position regarding fidelity to a married (but divorcing) woman who lives 3000 miles away and he only sees 4-5x/year?

Understandable if so, but - Not my problem!!