WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Called my boys tonite. "Mysteriously" my boys laptop and skype didn't work again even though it did all weekend for us. I didn't let it bother me.

I was annoyed that she didn't take my 7 year old to soccer again. This is the last week and it's the second to last game so I'm pissed that she did that again. I know she thinks it's a chore to take them, that's what she had told me

Anyway, I stayed upbeat and positive to hear about my 7 year old's first day of second grade and my 3 year old's first day of pre-school

It was very cool to talk to them. My 3 year old kept saying he wanted to show me his bat, glove and ball. I just said we can do that if skype can get going. It never did and he was bumming about that.

She never did respond to my email that the boys and I would see her at our friend's B'day party. She did send me a couple of text, tactical stuff about the boys. I just responded with very direct answers.

She did send me a picture of the boys for their first day of school. I thanked her for it and left it at that.

It still really frustrates me that she doesn't take my 7 year old to his soccer games. It really gets me worried about when my 3 year old starts baseball, whether he will actually have a chance of going. Then again, that's the future. Who knows what it will bring. I need to live in the now, for today

FIDO

[sandi2]

It doesn't appear that your W is into sports the way you are. This may be an area that you will have to choke down b/c I doubt she is going to be very faithful to see that the boys are at their games. To women who don't care for sports....it is a chore. For "mothers" who want to make their kids who love ball happy.....they take the kids and learn to like watching them play.

There are going to be several areas that is going to be hard to deal with....and most will be to do with the boys.

[MrBond]

Personally I think it's very rude and selfish especially since your son looks forward to it so much.

She really is in that selfish stage right now. Even when she sends you tactical messages, I wouldn't answer them. Stay dark.

[confusedinpa]

Personally I think it's very rude and selfish especially since your son looks forward to it so much.

She really is in that selfish stage right now. Even when she sends you tactical messages, I wouldn't answer them. Stay dark.

That's part of my confusion. When my 7 year old is with me, he talks about how he looks forward to it. Not sure if she's doing some Jedi mindtrick on him, but he "changes" his mind with her.

I think it's more of him trying to make her happy as he had brought up before he is afraid to make her mad and have her start being mean to him

This is really shitty but it's something I need to deal wtih

Thanks for checking in on me

[confusedinpa]

It doesn't appear that your W is into sports the way you are. This may be an area that you will have to choke down b/c I doubt she is going to be very faithful to see that the boys are at their games. To women who don't care for sports....it is a chore. For "mothers" who want to make their kids who love ball happy.....they take the kids and learn to like watching them play.

There are going to be several areas that is going to be hard to deal with....and most will be to do with the boys.

Sandi,

I know she doesn't care about sports as much as I do. That's part of my angst of how my boys will miss out on opportunities because of the nonsense that's been going on. This just adds to my resolve to get primary custody.

It's crappy, but this is the hand I'm dealt and I need to play it.

I appreciate all your support and thoughts

CIPA

[MrBond]

he's afraid of her abandoning him. So he does things that he feels won't get her upset.

Your W is messing around with his head and she's probably oblivious to it. Right now he's probably agreeing to everything she's saying to him because he is like you and trying to make her happy.

Maybe you should tell her that it's important for her to have them continue to go to games because it's important to him. Is there someone on the team who could pick him up and drop him off?

These negative times are what he's going to remember and start building resentment.

[sandi2]

You said something that really tore at my heart. I've seen children almost have a split personality b/c they become who the parent will love whenever they are with that particular parent. Since each parent expects differently from the child, the child has to adapt to those expectations. It is scary to think what the world is going to be like in a few years at the rate D is climbing and to think how many children are living like this. Some parents spend almost all their time trying to reshape or undo what the other parent has done to the kids while in their care....and by the time the child begins to come around to what that parent wants, it's time to go back to the other parent. No wonder some children are in such a mess. So, be patient with them and be careful that you don't take your frustrations about your W out on them. I know you would never intentionally do that. I am so sorry you and the boys are facing many years (unless she changes) of misery where she is concerned.

[confusedinpa]

So, be patient with them and be careful that you don't take your frustrations about your W out on them. I know you would never intentionally do that. I am so sorry you and the boys are facing many years (unless she changes) of misery where she is concerned.

Sandi

I really feel your care and concern for my boys. I really appreciate that. I am so worried about how my boys are going to be affected by this situation. I am trying my best to manage my own emotions and pain to not let it affect my boys. My cousin told me her greatest fear when her parents got divorced was being afraid for her mom (her dad left). She said that was the worst fear a child could have.

So I've been trying to be stronger for my boys. To let them know that it's ok to be sad/emotional as it's a tough situation. I will always be their Dad and love them forever.

Not much has happened today. Still no response/reaction to my email about the B'day party. She did text about something tactiacal last nite after the kids went to bed and something tactical first thing this morning.

I just responded to one of the 2 - I felt the other one was a FYI point (my 3 year old's day care bill). I sent her a text asking when I could skype my boys. She answered about an 45 minutes later saying between now and 8 (25 minute window). Big surprise, their skype wasn't working again (I don't think she even tried this time around) so I just called them. We chatted for about 10 minutes before my 3 yaar old said he wanted to finish playing so he wanted me to call at 8:30 PM (just before bed)

I called them just as I was sitting down for dinner with one of my buddies. I was disgusted to hear that they were in their mom's bed, as I thought of the things she had been doing in it.

I shook it off and focused on my boys. I stayed up beat and said good nite.

I was annoyed today as I was looking for an apartment, so it got me a little down since I knew she and the boys aren't coming up with me. Plus I got to the leasing office 5 minutes before it closed but they said that they were closed and I should have come 30 minutes earlier. I tried to argue that it was before 6, but they didn't want to hear it and asked if I could come back tomorrow. I just said no and walked out.

Then I started thinking about my boy's mother again so the hurt/pain started coming back as I thought back of all the lies she told me.

I wound up going for a short run and talked to stronger for a while. Not sure which helped more, but the combination of the 2 really got back me back into the right spirits.

So I'm now one day closer to seeing my boys!

[Deep]

CIPA, you're handling a horrendously difficult and draining phase well. It won't feel like it at times although you already know that's what it is - a phase that you will move forward from with time.

Your kids are lucky to have you for their dad. One day, you will all be thankful for the way you are conducting yourself for them as best you can.

[confusedinpa]

C - I couldnt find CI PA on FB.

PMA_Baby!

Any luck with the search?

If you type in Ci Pa in the search bar, then search, select "View all people results" should come up with about 73 results. Ci Pa is on the second to the last group that you will scroll to (at least that's what it was when I searched)