A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

H came home looking tired, restless and conflicted. He greeted me nicely and hugged me, though a more lukewarm hug than usual (this is ok).

We chatted a teensy bit about our days and then H flopped on the couch looking pensive.

H: Dia, am I different from two years ago?

Dia: (Crap! Where is this going??) Yes you are, but what do you mean?

H: Do I perseverate more?

Dia: (WTF??!?) Hmmm, well, let me tell you the differences I see, and then I'll address that one. You do more housework. You're a much more active and engaged parent. You have friends, projects and outside interests. As for perseverating, it's hard to tell. You've lived alone for a long time, so you've had the luxury of being able to focus your attention on whatever you want, for however long you want. So I can't really tell if you do it *more*, or if I just get in your way less.

H: <listening>

Dia: I don't think you perseverate beyond the norm, though. I don't see anything out of line with it.

H: Well, that's good. It's what I *want* to do. (being able to focus on his projects)

So here's where I screwed up...

Dia: Has it been hard for you to have kidlet full time and then me back in the house, too?

I only wanted to draw out the conversation and show empathy, but *that* road is not one I should have have traveled.

H <somewhat guardedly>: It's felt crowded, but there have been good things, too.

So then I started supper and H went to play his game. He seemed more relaxed, and thanked me sincerely when I brought him a beverage and supper to his desk.

Wow - I expected withdrawal out of him, not introspection and questioning. Also of note, there's more me, me, me on his mind (meaning him, him, him), which feels kind of WAS-y. On the other hand, differentiation is all about trying to figure out how to be *me* AND be in a relationship, too, so I guess the me-introspection is likely productive?

Reactions? Interpretations?

Edit: And I wonder if he stayed awake thinking last night or slept poorly. He had that 'I can't keep my eyes open' look to him.