To be honest LR it felt like when you are a teenager and you have your first kiss and you fumble around a bit, not quite sure what to do and how to do it because you want it to be perfect.
As he has pulled back twice before on me, quite significant pull backs I am ready for it this time, but if he does I am hoping that it won't be a big pull back this time as my mistakes the last time was to get carried away with the signs of interest again.
Oz... I have just a minute, but have a ton to share. I'll be back after son's football game this evening. I'm so pleased for you. I know it's scary, and you have a lot to cover, but you're doing great. BIG HUGS!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
To be honest LR it felt like when you are a teenager and you have your first kiss and you fumble around a bit, not quite sure what to do and how to do it because you want it to be perfect.
As he has pulled back twice before on me, quite significant pull backs I am ready for it this time, but if he does I am hoping that it won't be a big pull back this time as my mistakes the last time was to get carried away with the signs of interest again.
This is good to know. So when/if we get to that first kiss, I will make sure it starts with slow nibbles so we can get the hang of it again. Besides, the slow nibbles used to drive him wild, so hopefully that dynamic still works.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I went to sleep with his arms around me, snuggled up close, weird feeling as he has not done that in like 4-5 months.
Another classic mistake.. You had him worried and then went right back to reassuring him you are there and all he has to do is give you a little test and you will fail...
You should have told him that you were tired and found an excuse NOT TO CUDDLE.. You HAVE to play this out UNTIL he goes through the "crisis"... HE was teetering... You had the perfect opportunity and he responded beautifully.
Quote:
I went to sleep with his arms around me, snuggled up close, weird feeling as he has not done that in like 4-5 months.
Here is my problem now.
I expect that possibly today, the frighted deer will pull back a bit, I am ready for that and so I did not make any fuss or do any kind of pursuing or R talk this morning as I don't want to contribute to any pull back. He did give me a lingering kiss before he left.
The other thing is am I right in not bringing up any R talk and leaving it totally to him to now initiate any further talks. As I said I wasn't expecting this and am so not prepared, haven't had a chance to finish the DR book yet.
You can't try to let him feel you are letting go on the one hand and be open to his pursuing the minute he gets scared on the other. He HAS to be convinced that you MAY be done and you now don't know how you feel. You have to tell him "this just isn't working for ME this way. (which will indirectly tell him he now can't have his cake and eat it too) You have HAD enough and he can go have someone else. You don't share and don't know what you must have been thinking to allow this for so long.
Please don't let this golden opportunity slip out of your hand because of lack of confidence in what he is losing. Better now than AFTER he moves out.
PULL the sex away from him. He needs to feel that you are NOT interested in getting him back. An oh well, I tried, I don't want to do this anymore attitude. You didn't make him come toward you ENOUGH...
Okay I get it. He did make a couple of comments last night but I was actually too tired at that point to respond. He said that I didn't feel like I was wanting to be held by him (I must have been a bit tense without realising it) and that I didn't appear to be wanting more from him (assume he mean't sex). So maybe I haven't messed up too much.
It will be interesting to see what he has to say when he does call again and also if he continues with his weekend away which he said he doesn't want to do anymore.
My only comment to his weekend away when he told me was to say "the weather is going to be good, so you should get a lot of skiing in". He said "no the weather is going to be bad now" my reply "damn I hope the weather is good as I have things planned for the weekend".
Well, didn't you do good? You surpassed yourself Oz and not only did you get the modelling packed away expertly, you got a bonus when you got home!! Who would have thought that, eh?
The Five Love Languages is by Dr. Gary Chapman - give you library a ring and reserve the book if you can. It won't take you long to read it and if it's not you the first time around (as was my experience) leave it a day or two and try again. When I was in a better mood, I was far more receptive to the text.
So, keep up the mysterious side and do more of what works! You have certainly turned from going down Cheeseless Tunnels and you are finding the prize!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I think I did pretty damn fine. I actually didn't expect to even find him home last night, I honestly thought he would have packed up and gone but no there he was waiting.
Will try and get hold of the book today if not maybe Friday when I have my dayoff.
