Well we talked. It was the "talk" i was dreading...he brought it up, not me. After a bit of small talk, and then pressing when I was moving to NY (I told him I did not want to move to NY, had decided to stay put for time being then likely move to CA end of year), he said, "well, how should we go about this?"
Said several times he was done, doesn't want to be married to me anymore, wants clean break and to move on. This is where I played my final card of the retrov. retreat...validating everything he said and that I understood where he was coming from but that i 'wanted to be as sure about this as you are'...be able to communicate better in this process, and have some healing and closure. I positioned it only as a way to do this versus as a way to save our marriage. He definitely shot that down. Maybe I shouldn't have but quite honestly I don't think it would make a difference.. I am sure his mind is made up and nothing can change it.
I am drained and kind of tired of fighting this in a way...I think I've done all I can and I think he's running away from problems rather than facing them head on.
I don't like that he kept probing when I was going to be back, what to do w stuff in our apt, etc..he moved out -why does he care? I think he just wants me back east to sign papers and so he can get his stuff.
Then he asked me: "so are you not going to file?" DUH?! No i'm not going to...he's the one that wants it. I replied in DB fashion: "do what you need to do...you know I don;t want this but I can't stop you" Frankly, it's not going to make a difference at this point. This marriage is all but done..I think I've tried everything to back off, let him do his own thing, validate, be honest w my feelings. He does not want to be married anymore, period.
I am a bit numb right now I think. Thank goodness I am not alone...and I do feel stronger than I did 4-5 months ago when this initially hit. But every 'hit' where he brings up D feels like heartbreak all over again...that's why I'm starting to want to get this over so I can formally mourn and heal and move on.
Nonetheless I am NOT initiating anything w paperwork...and what I get I will definitely show to a lawyer. He kept saying 'so you refuse to sign the mutual form?' (i guess it's a lot easier and cheaper to do that versus no-fault divorce).
So I either let him do no fault (and it's potentially nasty, but burden is on him), or I agree to sign mutual forms to have a friendly parting, lower cost overall and easier/quicker, i guess.
Argh - i still dont want this but I am realizing there is nothing more I can do. He's not the person I married right now anyway.
