Eternal, We all know why you are still fighting for this, even when we ask you why. Sometimes you need to hear the question to think it through and make sure your reasons for fighting for this is the right reasons. For example: I don't want to be alone, I'd rather be with a jerk. Not a good reason. Another example: Yes, I think he needs professional help and I'm willing to see this through to the end so I'll know I did everything I could no matter the outcome because I do love him and said through better or worse. Good reason.
Hi, Stronger. Ah, yes...reflecting is good for the soul. I have reflected. I have bounced emotionally up and down for weeks now. Some days I do feel scared to be alone, and then I'm able to accomplish little things that make me feel self-sufficient like using power tools to take care of the house, learn how to mow the lawn, cook on the grill, etc. Other days I'm consumed by anger that I have to submit to a decision for my life and for our son's life that my H made without my consent, engulfed by sadness that our son will come from a "broken home" and that he too may end up feeling abandoned and vulnerable to this horrific personality disorder.
Other days I am reminded of the loyal and sweet man that I married nearly 18 years ago, how we were always there for each other through so many of life's tragedies, and how now he's too mentally ill to enjoy the life we waited to have for so long. It's so unfair to all of us.
Staying strong and positive for me and because it is the right thing for our son to see me happy.
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
