I think I'm more angry at myself. Why the he!! did I let myself be talked into this? Why did I listen to him? Why did I give up? I knew better, but I was scared and weak. About two summers ago, I went into a wild period and I still can't believe what I did. I realize now that it was an attention-getter for H, trying to shake him up: "want me to f*** around? OK- I'll give you f***ing around..." Well, that backfired- he enjoyed it, and I looked like a two-bit tramp. By the end of things this winter, I felt like a hooker who was too stupid to charge, and he still wanted me to keep going. I had enough- I have more respect for myself than this. If I want cheap sex, I know where to get it, but I sure like it a lot better when there's a connection. Too bad that's not with H anymore- his loss. I'm not scared and weak anymore. OK, maybe a little scared, but I can deal with it this time around.
