My thoughts exactly on the bed thing. Healing that hurt is essenital to a positive outcome. I also need to deal with the guilt somehow and I would think at some point find a way to apologise - not that it will actually make anything better, but she needs to know I am truly sorry.
She has a real thing about invasion of her personal space. She literally needs space right now.
Why did I send the racy text? Somtimes I am plain old stupid. At least that is one mistake I know I will never make again.
Here is the deal on the apology.
You make a straight line between point A & point B, no detours, no scenic route, you just do it.
"I have something to tell you, I am sorry for what I did on that day to you. I took advantage of you when you were in that state and looking back at it, I know that it was a horrible & selfish thing to do to you. I am your husband and you need to feel secure with me to be with me & around me and you don't feel secure around me anymore, you can't trust me and I feel really bad about that. All I can do is apologize to you and hope that I can rebuild that trust by being trustworthy and hopefully we can be friends, if nothing else. I have to be honest with myself, currently we don't have the emotional connection that we need from each other, something is missing for me, it had to have to been for me to be so selfish and do what I did to you and something is obviously missing from you because I feel you've been withdrawing from me. I will for my part, continue to be civil & friendly towards you and I will stop bothering you with my emails, texts, phone calls, etc. If you need something, ask me and I'll do what I can."
And that's it.
You've made the apology and you won't have to apologize again.
You can stop contacting her incessantly, it's not attractive. Create a bit of space between you, stop contacting her, if she needs to, she can contact you. You need to get a bit of a life, no more offering to go to her work to offer hugs, you don't need to contact her on facebook and play online games - that isn't going to win your wife back. Honest & trustworthy actions repeated on your part on a regular basis to rebuild trust is what will make her feel safe around you because she currently doesn't feel safe at all.
As for the bed, that is a personal call. You can respect her and yourself and still sleep in your bed, you're a man, there is no rule that says you have to sleep on the couch or in the basement, if it's the 11th commandment from Moses, show me where it's written otherwise sleep in your bed.
You can't just show her you respect her and are trustworthy to her. For a woman, your wife, to feel safe around you, she has to see that you respect yourself not to treat yourself badly, to show her that you have value. Too many men get caught up in this doghouse treatment because they feel it's a requirement, it isn't, you would do yourself and your wife a favor if you didn't portray this behavior - all you do is train her & yourself that when things go bad, you exile yourself and that isn't necessary. People respect people who respect themselves - start there.
She can heal emotionally sleeping the same bed as you or she can choose to sleep elsewhere, let her control what she does, you control what you do.
Her emotional healing won't happen any faster if you're not in the same bed with her - it doesn't work that way, it never does.
