Great advice. I'm trying to convince myself too - the thing that keeps me up at night is the fear that he is comparing me - I need to feel enough self-esteem to know I am better, to know I am the prize, like STronger said. I did well this weekend despite his bomb.
We had a perfect family day on Saturday, and we even cuddled with the cat on the couch watching our favorite show. We have never doen that since he left.
When he was explosive a few times, I stayed very calm. I just said "ok" and walked away. He admitted what was underneath it. This is new too.
Yesterday when he came for dinner to be with S, instead of waiting around, hoping he would give me some attention, I psyched myself for a GAL - I asked him (gently and kindly - yes!) if he didn't mind giving S dinner alone so I could go out and exercise. I made sure I looked really good - and he knows when I'm depressed I don't exercise so this showed that I was more important than spending time with him.
The kindness, calmness, and gentleness are also such good advice. You all know how much I want to scream at him and argue about OW - and I'm not.
You get more flies with honey than with vinegar. But my actions and attitude are one that - if he doesn't chose me it is a huge loss to him. I'm taking control. I'm worthy. This is hard work for me. I came from an abusive childhood home where there were emormous problems. I am determined that no longer will I be the one to be hysterical and angry. I will protect myself if and when he is abusive. I will stop blaming his ass****ness for my anger and emotionality. These changes will either lure him back or I will find someone better. Or, I will be happy with myself knowing that just because he doesn't want me, I am still lovable and worthy. I will prove this to him and myself by being the best me I can be.
I'm trying anyway. I'm psyched up today to stay strong.
