I don't have much to offer, as Stronger and Gucci have given you incredibly wise advice.
The only thing I would add, is that, we each take what's offered to us, and adjust, append, delete, as per our personal take on our situation. The two parts I would STRONGLY agree with are that you're being cornered too soon, and that she needs to know that you are truly not sure where you are right now. No need to rush, right? If you choose to work on this, it's YOUR wants/needs, and not just 180's of behaviors/issues that she has a beef with...
Head up, smile, and be proud. You're an awesome man.
Gucci and Stronger: You are both very wise. I'd like your input someday.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Steve: I have a friend like this. Funny, I never wanted to admit I was AT ALL LIKE him! Ha! Is your W friends w/your "twin," too? Does your "twin" know what is going on w/your W? I'm not sure it's a great idea to confide in her... Seems counterproductive if the possibility of attraction is there, and you are at odds with what do do about your M.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
"I can't answer that right now. I don't know what I want." Where does that go? how does that end it? It seems to just leave her hanging.
@Stronger has the right idea, I think; it's a time-buying mechanism, nothing more.
You and I are navigating similar waters. When my Walkaway got dumped by her backdoor man, the fog was blown out to sea; unfortunately, at her insistence and at my need to survive, I'd also set sail. (Okay, enough with the nautical metaphors.)
Now she wants to "see." To "explore." I suspect this is really a code-word for "I f*cked up and want back but I'm too prideful to admit it," but the bottom line for me is that I don't know if I want her. Not "want her back" -- that's right out. That Walkaway Woman is no longer attractive to me at all.
The person she's becoming might -- might -- be attractive to me. But that's a deeds-not-words scenario. Once burned; twice shy. And it works in reverse -- the person I'm becoming might -- might -- be attractive to her.
But that gives us four possible solutions to the game model: I'm attracted, she's not; she's attracted, I'm not; both attracted; neither attracted. And any of them seems equally likely, because we've had but 4 conversations or so in 7 months, so she's really something of a stranger to me.
So I'll 'explore.' But I'm not putting the rest of my life in suspended animation for that, and that's where the "I don't know" comes in. I just laid it on the line -- I will go to Fabulous MC#2. I will talk, engage, assess, evaluation, analyze, debate, and whatever else evolves in those sessions.
What I won't do is promise anything more than that. I won't commit to anything more than that. And (in my head) I will continue to ignore 50% of what you do and 100% of what you say because from my POV I don't know why you're doing/saying what you're doing/saying any more now than I knew why when you were Walking Away.
So caution is my mantra. Like President Woodrow Wilson, my policy is "watchful waiting."
Uncle Phil said to me, that woman will be the death of me but I don't think there's anything I can do She's got ways I don't understand Putting words into my mouth Things I just can't get used to But then she dropped the cornbread in the kitchen Uncle Phil smiled as if she'd just done the greatest thing
I'm not sure if I understood then But I guarantee I understand now
I'm not one to journal on this site. I dont think it is healthy to try and intrepret each and every daily interaction. But since I decided to stick with this BB and seek advice, I would like to throw a little crumb of information to a few LBH's here.
My whack job wife is out of town for work. This is out of the oridinary, and as it was approaching was the last thing she wanted to do. So yesterday her first night out of town the phone rings off the hook. I let the kids answer most of them. Night comes, and shes sending me pictures of herself in the hotel mirror. This is the woman who only a few months ago would sit up in her bed and chant voodoo withcraft weirdo crap at night and scowl at me whenever I came around.
She definitely does not like the idea of possibly being #2.
So anyhows, 1:30 in the morning I get the LOL smiley face text from my 'buddy'. Wanting to chat because she cant sleep.
This sucks men. wife is sending me pictures of her a$$ and another telling me hers isnt getting used. and all i did is realize I dont need either of them in my life.
I'm not sure if I understood then But I guarantee I understand now
all i did is realize I dont need either of them in my life.
There it is, homez.
Because now you Walk Your Path with that ethereal, beatific glow of someone who Just Doesn't Give A Sh*t. And there ain't nothing more powerful than that.
F*ck... ya know, almost any f*cking DAD tries to get my attention at the football game last night because I'm cute, friendly, engaging, and (brilliant). H should be begging.
OK, sorry, back to you SM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
