Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[RedSoxFan]

I want to just cry at how sad it will be to realize this now, and think it's too late to save our R. It just doesn't need to be that way, and there's nothing I can do to show her that.

It's not too late!!!

[iwantittowork]

Hey RedSoxFan! I'll be at the game tonight, got lux seats from a vendor. Should be sweet!

It's not too late!!!

True enough, but I want to add to that.

It's not to late For ME!

To note that regardless of where I am by this time next year, I will be a better person. My comment was just in the emotion of the moment of writing all that down.

I have not followed up on your thread, but thanks for posting in mine, I'll try and check out your sitch as well!

[iwantittowork]

Oh,

and I called the mediator today to discuss setting up another appointment, and he had some interesting things to say. We ran out of time, as I called him with no appointment and only had a couple of minutes, but I am calling him back on Thursday to continue and setup the next appointment.

First, I asked outright, did he tell my W she should cancel the last appointment as she had told me? He said no, of course not, she called on her own and canceled it. Now, it may well be that when they talked he said that I may not still be ready, but she had made the appointment anyways, and then canceled it on her own the day before we were scheduled to be there.

Interesting.

Now, though, I'm off with the boys to the Red Sox game tonight, and going to just enjoy that. I left my W a note on the counter this morning. "I won't be home for dinner." I have not been home for dinner a few times before, but not left her a note. I felt for courtesy, I should at least do that, and for mystery, not fill in the 'why'.

Tomorrow, I am working from home, and taking d8 to her first day of school.

[iwantittowork]

Boy, my W certainly knows how to try and push my buttons.

Took my d8 to school this AM, where they had an assembly, my W works there, and although I expected it, it's interesting to me now when she completely ignores me, and makes sure to be on the other side of the room, not say anything to me, nor bother to even look at me. Oh well, I talked to a couple of teachers and parents, and sang along with the assembly for new 1st graders, and watched my d8 was off to first day of 3rd grade.

Then, My d8 had a friend over for a play date, who stayed for dinner. I am working from home for a bit, head downstairs, and she has served and is eating dinner, and didn't bother to let me know.

I almost expected that at this point in our R, but didn't let it bother me, just asked if I could join them.

She is getting callous about my feelings now, but she won't look me in the eye anymore, and won't talk to me or initiate any kind of communication either.

I tried to open her up a bit at dinner, by asking some questions about her work, and she replies, but does not elaborate at all, and I can tell she doesn't want to be talking to me.

I am not going to let that bother me, just noting it.

I have to call the mediator again tomorrow and setup a date to meet.

What a mess...

[iwantittowork]

Alright all, help keep me on the straight and narrow path.

I just got off the phone with Mediator who is very nice, and spoke to me at length about things. There's no good way in/out of the big D, but I still think it's better to mediate than go to Lawyers direct..

I have to fill out financial form, and he'll review and suggest if we should try mediation, or go to Lawyer..

I am sweating this thing big time, and can't believe I am on the phone with someone who's sole purpose is to help split up my family and finances...

I still don't understand how my W sees this as the best course of action and how her life is going to be so much better personally and financially after we split up..

But, I guess that's something I'll never know the answer too...

[givingitmyall]

I am sweating this thing big time, and can't believe I am on the phone with someone who's sole purpose is to help split up my family and finances...

What are you REALLY afraid of?

I still don't understand how my W sees this as the best course of action and how her life is going to be so much better personally and financially after we split up..

But, I guess that's something I'll never know the answer too...

You might not ever know. And I would have said "IF" you split up, not "after." She has to learn for herself what this could mean for her.

I hear you still struggling with the fear of D. What do you need to do to get past that?

[iwantittowork]

I hear you still struggling with the fear of D. What do you need to do to get past that?

I am not sure yet, I guess that is why I am struggling with it. Maybe to know that I am not going to be ruined financially while she gets off scott free..

I guess the only way to know that is to put it all down on paper, and see what it looks like. That's my next plan, to fill out my side of the financial data and send it off to him..

[givingitmyall]

I am not sure yet, I guess that is why I am struggling with it. Maybe to know that I am not going to be ruined financially while she gets off scott free..

So, are you concerned for yourself (fear), mad she gets off scott free (anger), or both? If it's fear, then face it, deal with it, and move on. It it's anger, let it go.

And, you BOTH will take a hit financially, she more than you, according to the statistics (I believe this is even discussed in DB or DR, or both).

I guess the only way to know that is to put it all down on paper, and see what it looks like. That's my next plan, to fill out my side of the financial data and send it off to him..

This sounds like a good plan. Could be you're fear is fear of the unknown. Think it through and don't let it paralyze you.

And in the grand scheme of things, so what if you have to "start over" financially. Really, so what. You have much more to be thankful for. Focus on the good, man. It's there if you know where to look.

[iwantittowork]

And in the grand scheme of things, so what if you have to "start over" financially. Really, so what. You have much more to be thankful for. Focus on the good, man. It's there if you know where to look.

Thanks GIMA, I know this, but it's so darn hard to get your head around. I have had to start over financially before, but I was 25 then...

It's more about what I don't know, and I am not letting it paralyze me, but I also don't want it to carry through in my interactions with my W. If she knows I am cringing at this, it probably just proves she is right..

[givingitmyall]

If she knows I am cringing at this, it probably just proves she is right..

You lost me there. Right about what?