My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[MrBond]

"But the difference is I'm not feeling hysterical or out of control, I've just gone to a negative dark place about all of this."

Yes you are getting hysterical. It shows in your posts. The problem here is that you were so used to being in control cheating on your W, telling her you were done, etc. that you're not used to things being OUTSIDE your control now.

So the solution is simple. Stop trying to control things. Even with your D. Do you really think she listened to what you said or do you think she just agreed with you to shut you up? I think it was the latter.

For her you just need to establish the boundary and show her compassion, but let her make her own choice. She's going to do it any way. Even with her friend, rather than seeing her as toxic, have you tried seeing things through her eyes? If you did that and relayed that to your D, I think you could start wearing away the wall you built up between you two.

As for your W, you're doing the same thing. You tell her she can't go out with the OM or that he's a bad influence and it's pushing her into his arms. Your W and your D are exactly the same scenario and you're failing in both. There's your 2 x 4.

I'm not saying to ignore the problem, but I think you need to see things a little more from their POV in order to get compassion. With compassion, you'll get clarity on what to do. Forcing your will upon them ain't working.