Thank you Giovanni for patiently repeating the same message over and over to me. Eventually I will get it!
*hugs*
Now on to 'Weird Dream' time... something I hesitated to share..
Last night I dreamt I was at a soiree becoming a bit uncomfortable as I sat at a table next to a woman I didn't know. I'd gotten a weird feeling but eventually discovered it was ex's new wife. We made small talk. She moved a seat over. I introduced myself to her, shaking her hand across the table. There was a chair inbetween us that I think was for ex.
Later (or early) ex had been at my house or someplace doing something positive. I remember a space being made for something of his or something for him.
When I woke up, I thought about how strange it was to dream about someone I've never met (ex's spouse) and a calm interaction with ex.
I figure it means that I've accepted her as being real. And that ex has a place in our lives. It seemed like a soothing thought. My perspective has changed. As long as I think ex is out to hurt me, he will be hurting me whether he means to or not. I allow him to hurt me but man oh man, can he be nasty at times.
Things aren't as big a deal when I face them head on.
I have a question for you, and you can post the answer on my thread if you get the chance. I asked Donna the same question, because she we're all from the great State of CT.
I am more than likely going to trial with STBX. She fired her attorney after a year, probably becuase he isn't telling her what she wants to hear.
She is still insisting on having 50% of my income. Do you know how alimony numbers are determined? I know, it's not exact, but 50%? C'mon!
I was away at a family reunion on an enchanting lake in NC, the first time we've been together since our dad died. It was gorgeous and we all did different things in a quiet way to commemorate him. Dad love chocolate chip cookies.. and somehow between my immediate family and a cousin and his family visiting we went through 125 dozen baked from scratch cookies in a one week period. And they were amazing. My family is blessed with the cooking/baking gene. It's impossible not to have three incredible meals a day at these things (my mom, her five kids, and four out of the five grandchildren)
I avoided the computer during that time.. was just into leaping off deck over the boat house and hurtling myself into the air to eventually land into the incredible clean refreshing lake water. By the end we'd choreographed a triple jump with split second timing with running at full blast coming from 3 different angles through single opening. Yep yep yep... we were kids and my kids enjoyed it too.
I stayed away a bit more once I got home, having driven nonstop for 15 hours feeling a weird glee that if I pushed just a few more hours I'd save money on a hotel and be home. I'd forgotten how during a long drive you get to know your neighbors.. those cars and trucks you pass and are passed by. By 10 PM we all started hurtling through the deep dark night a delicate whoosh of high speed held together by a common goal... to get where we were going.
My daughter was great but eventually had to fall asleep. It was just me, others on the road and the stars vivid against the sky. I even saw a shooting star. What a smile blossomed. So happy. It was great getting home in one day but I was absolutely worthless the next day and a half... probably because I was the sole driver. Later that week the boys scooted back to college so a lot happened in a very short period of time.
Though I think of y'all and send hugs and caring being away helps my focus. I still get too caught up in playing mindless computer games. However I've learned lots of fun things and met challenges.. like replacing the dog damaged screens on the porch and some windows. I can spline... I can spline. It's not that bad once I just started doing.
A funny thing happened.. or that whole ripple effect from a drop of water. I took a friend to the doctor's after she had a bad fall and then drove her to get a CAT scan. While there I remembered I was a few months overdue for a mammogram so made an appointment. It usually takes about 3 weeks but there was an opening for 2 days later.
Now, right after college, I found a lump, a nice big one. They biopsied it, leaving it in there and bestowing my fair breast with what I could only describe (to my horror) as "Frankentit". It looked pretty gruesome for a while and the five inch scar is barely noticeable. The results came back negative, that I had a tendency toward fibroid cysts. Anyway.. I keep track of my boobies... usually.
The location is very pleasant, the technicians are incredible and they have a radiologist on site who reads mammograms as they're done. It's a great time saver because if they want a different view, you're still there. Well.. about half the time I have to have a second round of images. I go in, she gently forms my mammo to be grammed trying to flatten it from side to side.
Have you ever heard a dog whimper.. ArrrrArrrrARRRRrrrRRR.. whimper whimper? Well, that was me. It was a toe curling, eye crossing, how in God's name am I supposed to stand still and take this time. Ouch. As the machine released my booboo breast I felt such a sense of relief.
I called out to the technician, "Hey, I think you popped something. My breast feels great!" They went for a THIRD set of images. Everything was all good.. but I was euphoric about my breast. I had NO idea how much discomfort.. pain.. I'd been in until it went away.
As always, what happens in one area of my life acts a guide for others.
