I am just so tired of this up and down, not only with our marriage but with my feelings as well. I don't know what he wants, nor does he, which is why he decided to move out. He said our problems are not my fault, which he has been thinking for the past few years, but that he is just not happy. BUT does he do anything to figure out how to make himself happy? NO!
I want to be happy and am tired of waiting to be with someone who is ready to live life, do fun things, share secrets and dreams with me.
Maybe the reason I get so upset with him is that I have never truly forgiven him for his EA about 3 years ago. Because if I did, I would trust him now and while I do the majority of the time feel I trust him, now, in this situation we are in, how can I? He is "finding himself" and off on his own with no accountability to us. And if he had and EA when we were together why would he not choose to do this again?
Deep down, I honestly dont think he would, but like I said, I think its because I havent yet forgiven him yet, so the thought just creeps up in my head, like this weekend.
I ruined a perfectly great weekend, after a wonderful date night with my DH, all because I didnt trust him. Frustrating because I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry for the rambling....just need to get these thoughts out of my head, and better here than to him.
My decision is to do LRT this week. I last texted him last night asking if he could feed dog when I am gone this weekend, and asked him if he could pick me up from airport on Sunday to save some money. He said yes to both.
Now I don't plan to have any contact with him until he picks me up on Sunday..If I can do it. God help me!
