Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

If you're at all typical (and of course you may not be, but stick with me here; grin) you have dealt with familial vagaries by minimizing them in your own mind.

In that regard, I'm pretty typical

I also just realized that Mrs. Thinker and I have opposite methods of dealing with our own (and each others) families.

I tend to minimize or ignore "familial vagaries", and then escape when it get's too stressful for me. I would consider b1tching about my family or her family to be disrespectful and rude, so I don't do it.

So, when I spent time with her family, when things started to bother me, I backed off and then found reasons to get away and go do things by myself - run errands, go back to work, etc. This is pretty normal in my family but my W interprets this as me ignoring her family and treating them badly.

My W comes together with her family as a big noisy chatty group. Non-participation is considered unacceptable and rude and I have seen the family turn on someone who doesn't show up. Afterwards, however, they all seem to complain to each other, in 1 to 1 conversations, about all of the other family members. My W does the same thing with my family - engaging chattily, and then complaining to me or to her family members about members of my family. This seems to be pretty normal in her family, but I interpret it as her being rude and disrespectful.