ISLMW....the gift of coming here has nothing to do with saving your marriage or learning how not to pursue.

It is about recognizing that YOU want to change and grow. It is a great gift: it's called integrity and insight.

I'll let the others give you all the DB rules and regs, but, if there is one thing that I have learned that is so very important to move forward with this is to recognize that for the last 11 years you were working with a set of tools that were 'given you' at the time. You cannot go back now and blame yourself or make yourself a victim nor can you continue to see yourself or your marriage as a failure. It's a lesson now. It's a time to get better tools. It's a time to grow.

Do not push her now but direct your marriage in the direction you think it should go. Listen MUCH MORE than talk and everytime you want to say something, stop, think, step back in your mind and process first. Listening is MUCH MORE POWERFUL a tool.

Stay strong.

FIB

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;