Run everything through the filter of "what would I do for a good friend?" If you're sharing a house with a good friend, does it seem reasonable to clean what need cleaning as you see it? etc. What you'd be willing to do as a cooperative member of a functional peaceful household ... do that.
The comment about the grilling struck me. Why would it matter AT ALL what your wife wants as it relates to how much effort you are willing to put forth? Aren't your kids worth the trouble of a home-grilled meal? Aren't you worth it, too??? Something to think about. I know you went ahead and did it anyway, which is great. I just don't understand why you even felt the mental/emotional need to involve her at all (beyond asking what she wanted).
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
