My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

I don't see the connection with what you were told about this other girl and the conversation you had with W?

And did you tell your D she can no longer socialize with this other girl? And really, did this girl say anything the average American teen doesn't talk about all day?

First let me say I'm screwing things up royally.

The situation is somewhat complex. W and I have been at odds over the years about D's exposure to this other girl. If that weren't enough the other girl is also friends with OM's children. I made the decision to take the other girl on our YMCA outing. The girl is not an average American kid, comes from a horrible family situation, drugs in their household, parents absent, psychological issues, i found self/friend created mutilation/burns on her over the weekend, etc. In the past I've been opposed to our children being exposed and W has taken opposite position. I have questioned myself and waffled back and forth. I made the decision to allow D to bring the friend along (hold that thought because I'll try to blame W for it later).

While at camp D and her friend wanted to hang out with 2 girls (late teens/early twenties) who were oddly out of place. I said no because they were too old (6 or more years I'm guessing) they were also smoking, etc. Eventually D blew up at me saying I was too controlling, terrible parent, etc. Two couples in nearby cabins observed my struggles and stepped in to occupy other kids while I dealt with D. They later told me that they overheard D and her friend in the camp showers talking (I described the details of that conversation in the previous post). The shared a lot of what D's friend said and it wasn't pretty. Keep in mind that D's friend is accustomed to doing what she wishes. Anyway, all of that is what set up D to unload on me. Good news is that I set boundaries for D. Had heart to heart and she was fine for the rest of the weekend. Also the neighbors stepped in to help out and support us. They stayed engaged and present for the entire weekend. One of the parents has a D15 and is an assistant pastor at his church he really had a knack for supporting us and was a life saver. This was the worst D14 explosion I've ever dealt with.

So now onto how I screwed things up. I told W that I wanted to process what happened during the weekend and then discuss with her. She asked for more info on the phone and I let the flood gates open. I really set myself back during the conversation basically blaming her for stuff, telling her that I don't have confidence in her as a partner in child rearing because of the people she is surrounding herself with, etc. Once again I've hurt her and further proven that I'm not the best choice for her as a partner.

If you read my post from late last week (I don't think there were any responses) I've just lost my way. I'm feeling really hopeless, I'm just not dealing well with the OM situation, I don't like the biker type party your a$$ off thing is killing me and I just keep digging myself deeper. I'm lost and confused. Things don't feel good and I don't know what to think.

I called W back to apologize a few minutes ago. Nothing I can do about what I said because she still thinks I believed what I said. I guess I do. Two weeks ago I had love in my heart for W and even for OM. Now I don't know what I feel.