Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Kettricken]

Option Four: the Gucci Option. If you haven't already been doing something very like what Gucci recommends, do that first.

In my experience, no matter how we feel about our parents, their dysfunctions are part of the air we breathe. We're *used* to it, we know how to cope (if we're even aware at all) in most cases. Our spouses don't have that "advantage", nor do we with their parents, which is a good thing to keep in mind.

I'm really uncomfortable with Option One. While I am ALL for validating her irritations and hurts for SURE, and maybe trying some Option Three, nobody's family is perfect; they're still family. If all else fails -- and frankly, why should they have to walk on eggshells around your wife any more than she should around them -- she doesn't have to go see them. She's a big girl. But feeling like you have to "choose" .... uh-uh. That way lies toxic co-dependency. Ok, I went back and re-read and I was wrong. You are talking about minimizing your *wife's* contact, not yours. I would certainly give her that option, guilt-free, if she can't handle them.

But honestly, I disagree that you have to throw yourself on the grenade here. She is an adult. They are adults. If it was a mutual friend she was having a problem with, would you get up in the middle of it and try to fix things?

That said, definitely validate in private for sure and defend her in public if it's warranted; sensitivity to her feelings is appropriate.