Not trying to hijack here BJ, but I wanted to post this here, as posts from Sandi and people like her, and yourself, have been at the heart of me realizing something this morning that has blown me away. It's helping me with the emotion of the past couple of days, and maybe could be a piece to your own puzzle help, even though our sitch's, lives, the people we are are different.
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However, I just woke up in a cold sweat, as I just realized something.
As I look at my W currently, I see where my anger and resentment now comes from.
Where was this women throughout our R? This is the women I new existed, but never could find. Not saying she is perfect, and with her needed to leave me its certainly not so.
She's confident, super attractive, and the current commitment and dedication to the things she is doing are higher than I have ever seen.
The house is cleaner than its ever been, she cleans her car, works out, is going to classes she wants to take, looking into career options, went to some real estate classes, and on and on.
All things that were completely missing from her in our R. I tried so hard to get some of that out of her, taking her even to real estate classes when we started looking at investment properties, countless times asking her what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go, to take some pride in what we had already, and try and maintain it.
That resentment from me over this I see now, and needs to be cleared somehow. She's going to live a great life. Without me. The one that I had been trying to find for us, and in her, our whole relationship!
Damn that hurts, and now I know why I need to work on GAL stuff as well, I can't wallow around in pity and misplaced pride. The only thing I can hope to do is live a great life without her too.
I see the woman I always new was there now, and it hurts bad that she thinks she needs to leave to be that woman.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
