Fellas, I agree that most of the marriages that hit THIS website are already on life support and close to death. Not all, but most it seems.

I don't know that I would ever advise to jump straight to saying "that's it" however.

First of all, most of us could never do that. We didn't do that because we COULDN'T do that. We had to believe that this was some aberration, some mistake. We had to believe there was a chance.

Make no mistake, there are marriages saved here. I honestly believe that there are a good number of situations where reconciliation is one day possible. The problem is, it usually would only occur LONG after so much damage has been done that the left spouse would have moved on.

I still believe that many of them look back at some point and wonder what in the hell they did to their once decent life. I know that my ex-wife is feeling the pain of leaving her boys behind to make her life with her soulmate. There is something inside me that would like to think that there is even the occasional acknowledgement inside of her that I wasn't so bad either.

Many of the success stories here occured after YEARS of abandonment. In some cases the men and women involved simply never felt compelled to move on, and they were available when their wandering spouse finally turned their eyes home.

But again, we are talking YEARS in most cases.

There's nothing healthy about living every day for YEARS hoping that your spouse will return. Especially if you are unwilling to at least continue living your life.


Yes, most separations come with an affair. Anecdotally at least that would seem to be the case. As Mom told me, "I told believe the sailor abandons ship unless he has another one already lined up."


It's hard to advise newcomers. But that doesn't mean we can't steer them to the right direction WITHOUT taking away their hope.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."