Originally Posted By: Coach

Don't discount this. You cope with your Dad your way. Your wife doesn't want to be criticised or treated poorly by your Dad. Especially with you standing by and watching. (I got this T-shirt.) You wife isn't EVERYONE. This is part of the "You weren't there for me" chapter. She wanted you to stand up to your Dad and defend her.

Just because your Dad treats everyone poorly doesn't make it right. This makes her angry when he treats her poorly and you don't do anything. She doesn't feel loved by you or your family. Make sense?



Have to think about this Coach,

There are only a few options, none really great.

Option 1: Stop / minimize contact between my parents and my W. This is not really an option for me, since my parents would just blame my W for the non-contact and their response would worsen matters.

Option 2: Ignore the issue completely or try to get my w to just accept my parents as they are - imperfections, annoying warts and all. This has been my approach in the past, and obviously is not working.

Option 3: Use boundaries, open discussions, etc. to get my parents to change. My first thought on this one is "Yeah right! Like that's going to happen...!" My dad is grumpy and critical because he is not a happy person. My mom is passive-aggressive because she's repressed her own wants for so long. I don't see either of those base facts changing.

The only real hope is in Option 3 to get my parents to change specific aspects of their behavior.

How did you address this Coach?


Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2
M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08
Walking away from a bad situation.

My Sitch

Strength and Compassion
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