trusting, You have hit the nail on the head! Validation, affirmation, admiration, etc., are all that the mlcer has missed out on. When not being recognized for the person that they are or what they've accomplished, they become stunted. Some were emotionally, physically or sexually abused, others, just left to their own devices while their parents did their own thing.
It's very important to step back and allow them to experiment and rediscover the person that they've stuffed down inside for such a long time.
I'm not surprised to read about the purchase of toys. My xh purchased a number of matchbox cars and sat in the floor playing w/them just as if he were a young boy. They also will become resentful of their own children while going through this, so be prepared for that as well.
Please remember, you didn't break them...you cannot fix them. They have to grow up all on their own. Some will and some won't.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
