Side note I forgot to mention: W said "this isn't about OM, he's not the cause of this, he's the result. I could drop that relationship immediately. It's the difficulties between us that keep me from doing it."
Wasn't that the boundary you laid out, no contact? If so, she tested you.
Advice I got from Puppy Dog Tails a long time ago:
The answer to this is: "Wife, I agree that our M has serious issues and understand when you say that your R with OM is not the CAUSE of our issues, but your continued R with OM IS the IMMEDIATE barrier to ANY possible improvements in our M. If we are to work on our R at all, you MUST end all contact with him immediately."
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
