I have asked my W about this directly in the past, and it has always just come out as unspecific angry bile eg "Your father treats me horribly, he's always critcal of me, etc..." - my internal response "I was there. I saw it. He barely said anything. He was sometimes grumpy and critical - but he is like that with EVERYONE!!! He complained about the mess left by the kids - don't take it personally! He loves the kids, but isn't used to the noise and mess"
Don't discount this. You cope with your Dad your way. Your wife doesn't want to be criticised or treated poorly by your Dad. Especially with you standing by and watching. (I got this T-shirt.) You wife isn't EVERYONE. This is part of the "You weren't there for me" chapter. She wanted you to stand up to your Dad and defend her.
Just because your Dad treats everyone poorly doesn't make it right. This makes her angry when he treats her poorly and you don't do anything. She doesn't feel loved by you or your family. Make sense?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
