I am scared that I messed up...

[istillluvmywife]

I'm not good at expressing or talking about my feelings, so it has been a week since I last posted something. That is something I know I have to work on in order to fix my marriage.

Thanks for your advice above.

This week has been difficult, we went to MC on Wednesday and it started off with the Counselor bashing me right at the beginning when I said that my W was asking me to be more helpful when I wasn’t. I was almost ready to stand up and walk out but since this was my idea, I thought I should hang in and see what happens.

I am glad I did, she did turn around and started to lay some blame on my W. She said that we would need a lot of help and counseling to get our M back on track but that we can do it if we both want it bad enough. I want it bad enough; I just don’t think my W is up to it. My W still has a lot of hurt and blame all of this on me. The counselor felt this as well and said that she needs to understand that we are both at fault and need to get over the hurt feelings and anger in order to get to the healing.

The Counselor gave us the name of two books she thought my help and asked us to read. I picked them up at the book store and started to read them, last night my W asked what “stupid book” is she supposed to read first.

The first book that we were asked to read is called Hold me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson. In the book she tells you forget about learning how to argue better or making grand romantic gestures. Instead she gets you to recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing and protection.

I am not quite halfway through the book, but it has opened my eyes at a lot of how me and my W got to where we are and how we can work together on making our marriage work. I just need for my W to read the book and see what I have seen.

I know that in DBing we are not supposed to talk about the R and work on ourselves first and this book is telling me to work with my W on the R. I thought that since we are still living together and sleeping in the same bed and working with a MC that for now it is okay to talk about the R and fixing our M.

What’s your opinion?