Okay folks! Update! (Yeah and I forget the original question too SR...)
I realised yesterday I was panicking in anticipation of H`s foul humour on Sunday night AND because I hadnt made rung up the mediation people(they`re a free pubblic service here to help spouses agree terms of separation.
In ringing them up I am letting H go.
If I don`t ring them I`m tying him.
He has finally made a decision. Hurrah!
Not the one I want.
But I have to let him roll with the consequences of that.
Or at least let the ball roll on til he can actually see what S entails for all of us.
I calmed yesterday. I felt the lightness of being I`d gotten last week. I said let H confront me if he must cos I am ready.
Loooong story, but we spoke for an hour and a half. I calmed H to the point that I was painting my nails, rubbing in body lotion(into me!)able to be light hearted and laugh, yet listen and validate as much as poss without-I hope!-going over the top.
Its too late now! I`m jealous of you! You`re happy, I`m not!
They were the things I heard, but at the end of the convo he `s still adamant that he wants to move out. Not too clear on the details-apartment in town/with parents 100 miles away.
I`m ringing mediation people today. Let him go, if he must.
I sympathized with H when he said he found living in our home too difficult for him and asked him to let me know if I could make that any easier for him.
Aim:I want the next couple of months to be as pleasant as poss while we wait for this appt to come through.
I thanked him for the conversation, for his frankness and for making the decision which I know he finds hard to do.
Oh and I gave him all the other options which he shot down.
