Any Way the Wind Blows

[cat04]

Funny question. I actually, for the first time, have a really good idea where H's head is at. Yesterday anyway. He is in full blown depression but really making effort.

I still focus on one day at a time to a major degree. Because if H is in really crappy mood on day home, well I may have to alter plans to make self really busy or scarce to stay out of it and let him stew in his own stuff. If he is in better mood, wanting to spend time together or talking, then I have to take it more moment by moment, just in case the switch gets flipped in the middle. I do use opportunities that come along to share things with him, but I don't try to force anything.

I tend to be really affected by feelings of others and I have had to work really hard to learn how to control that. At this point for me, it is still something that is very conscious so I have been affected by the wind pushing my sails, but it isn't as bad as it used to be. H sees that. S sees it.

I understand the fear of more replay. But as we know, they bounce back and forth so it is to be expected. Do it mean that we will do this forever? No, probably not. But if the bouncing is faster, if the episodes are less, my feeling is that is a good thing. You will know if you need to draw a line, but it has to be a line for you and your comfort and safety, not a punishment or ultimatum to H.