The adventure chronicles

[givingitmyall]

Man, this is the time YOU look out for you. It doesn't sound like SHE is.

I have been following your thread, and I don't think anyone would blame you for not wanting to take her back.

[AFWAW]

Thanks brother! I am going to look out for my daughter first and then me.

Gucci, what now? I did not expect this crazyness in my life.

[antlers]

Had about 30 calls today so far. I finally turned the phone off. She has also gone on my facebook account and sent mean messages to all the freinds that are girls. "bunnyboiler" huh? Wow, I'm think I'm just going to pay the lawyer and get it over with. Crazy, way crazy and way unexpectd.

She's desperate, man! Remember what it felt like! Well, now, she is feeling it! It may have been unexpected by you...but I bet it's not unexpected to Gucci!

[gucci loafer]

Right Antler. I am not the least bit surprised..


AFWAW... Well, I told you I know how to get them back, but I'm not so sure how to get rid of them.... Start chasing her again maybe... (just kidding....)

I would recommend doing it in increments. Start out by telling her that her idea of waiting a month until after your vacation is a good idea. Tell her that you want to take that month to think about things and that she can contact you after one month... (that may buy you at least a month)


Then after she contacts you after one month, you can do the same thing again and tell her you need more time or that you haven't changed your mind...


Just get her to leave you alone or back off for NOW.

Women are like bad pennies. You can't get rid of them.. (just kidding ladies)

[gucci loafer]

So you really don't want her back?

Make sure because this is your opening to get things on track.
She is in the "crisis" that she needed and will probably now make the necessary changes to get this back on track. You would still need to handle this with the correct procedure so that the reconcilation is successful, but this is probably your opening that you desperately wanted.

[AFWAW]

Whew, finally some peace and quiet. I figured out a way to block her from seeing who my friends are on facebook and she sent me an email that said "I can only assume the worst when you block your facebook friends and avoid my calls that you are finished and don't want to work on this marriage anymore. If you want that woman, have at her. I'm done trying at this point. I've called and begged and tried and prayed and it's not working. Good luck to you."

I hope she really means this because I was actually frightened of that monster yesterday. She was all about controlling me and I don't think I like that. This other woman is just a friend at this point as are all the other women in my life. But who knows what will happen after my divorce is final? Please tell me she is going to leave me alone now.

[AFWAW]

So you really don't want her back?

Make sure because this is your opening to get things on track.
She is in the "crisis" that she needed and will probably now make the necessary changes to get this back on track. You would still need to handle this with the correct procedure so that the reconcilation is successful, but this is probably your opening that you desperately wanted.

I really don't think that I do. I now see what I should have seen years ago--how controlling she is. She has not offered to make any changes and/or shown remorse in a timely manner. It's almost like I was a backup plan. Once I cut her off, I became a different person that I like, one that is not worried about how the wife is going to react when I do something or don't do something--very liberating. I don't know that I could ever trust her again--another thing that I've pondered over since I stopped talking with her.

I intend to call the lawyer again today for an appointment and just pay the money this week. I don't ever want to feel this way again, EVER! It's not fair to me--I've done nothing to deserve this and it's not fair to my daughter--she's been on an emotional rollercoaster as well.

[hooper1668]

John,
Hope you are doing well...please don't make any rash decisions out of hurt or anger right now. It may have seemed to you that this has been going on forever but it has not. There is nothing wrong with sitting down with your wife and seeing if anything is left...continue with your legal issues but...can you try to see a MC? Sometimes you just have to keep telling yourself it will get better...all relationships have ups and downs (not this bad most of the time, thank God)...something to think about...start slow with family time. Maybe it is over but you two have not been thinking the same thing at the same time yet to even try...if youtry and she is the same then wrap it up. Take care

V/R

[AFWAW]

John,
Hope you are doing well...please don't make any rash decisions out of hurt or anger right now. It may have seemed to you that this has been going on forever but it has not. There is nothing wrong with sitting down with your wife and seeing if anything is left...continue with your legal issues but...can you try to see a MC? Sometimes you just have to keep telling yourself it will get better...all relationships have ups and downs (not this bad most of the time, thank God)...something to think about...start slow with family time. Maybe it is over but you two have not been thinking the same thing at the same time yet to even try...if youtry and she is the same then wrap it up. Take care

V/R

Hoop,
Thought you were gone forever. I think I'm past the hurt and anger. Very anxious and frankly surprised by my wife's behavior. I won't date as long as I'm married and just the perception of me dating has driven her over the edge? Yet she had multiple PAs and an EA? Brings up the old saying in my mind of those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw bricks.

It was hard for me to not talk to her, very hard but when I finally did it and stopped worrying about what she was thinking it was liberating. Once she found this woman, who is just a friend, on my facebook account, she demanded through email the I remove her and add my wife as a friend. She is really in no position to make those type of demands based on her past behavior. I gave her 6 months--if you remember, I think I said something to that effect when I first started posting--that I would give her 6 months.

I don't think MC would solve our problems. She has been a very poor role model for her daughter. Remember, she told my D that she had a BF? She even went so far as to tell my D that he was very good looking despite the fact that he was 55. On top of that, she's a SNCO as you've pointed out so many times. Surely I'm not the only one that knows what has transpired and our career field is very small. Word is bound to get out with regards to her reputation. Keep in mind that none of this was my doing--she chose to go outside our marriage, squander her body, risk her career and abandon her family.

Now, I think you and everyone here would agree that I have been more than accomodating with regard to her coming back home. I have been willing to work through this for so long--yes, I know it's only been six months, however they have been the longest six months of my life. How much self respect would I have if I took her back at this point. From her actions of calling so many times and oh, I learned this morning that she has called my friend numerous times(she even called this woman's work) where it is to a point where it could be considered harrassment. I hope my wife realizes this before it is too late and starts to control her behavior.

As for me, I have embraced a new life. I clearly was not enjoying my life before. I was very wrapped up in pleasing my wife to a point where I was worried that if I was not pleasing her, I was wrong. I have embraced what Gucci has laid out for me and I must say it has been nice. I've met new people, I've joked around with everyone I know, I've been more relaxed, etc. It feels so strange as I've lived a totally different life for so many years. After my wife's actions yesterday, I see that it would be more of the same--she clearly will not be happy if she is not controlling what I do, who I talk to or who I am friends with.

Lastly and most importantly, my daughter. She is afraid of her Mom from the standpoint that she is very controlling of her. My daughter is ready for this to be over as well and I can tell it has taken quite a toll on her. She has thrown herself into her studies and her friends which is good. I don't speak to her about her Mom as she seems to get very angry when I have done so in the past. I listen to her when she wants to talk about her and when she speaks of her it is not good--at all. Based on everything that has happened, do I really want to lose my daughter's respect as well as my own self-respect?

I think the right thing to do is to file for divorce. I don't see a way to fix this or make this better and even if there was, I don't think the wife would be willing to do the necessary work at this point.

Thoughts?????Comments????

[Ekie]

Based on my past experience, I see many warning signs that your WAW could potentially go that direction. It is not at all funny, and you will find yourself very put off by her behavior, that is if she does go off her rocker.

I'm actually not too worried about this one. Two reasons: 1. She's in the military and I have emails and an IM chat where she admitted to having screwed other men. Adultry in the military is against the rules and she could lose big time as my commander knows and all I have to do is say go and he will make the phone call and she will be in for a hell of a ride.
2. When I consulted with my lawyer the other day, she told me that there was a 99% chance that I would retain custody of my daughter if my case actually had to go to court--I'm hoping it won't. The lawyer also said that if there was a visitation agreement drawn up then at the age of 15, my daughter doesn't have to agree to going to see her mom. In other words, my daughter has about zero respect for her mom right now based on what her mom has said and done(remember, she told her that she had a BF). So, if the wife gets more "crazy" my daughter will recognize this and opt out of visitations probably I'm guessing.

What you describe are contingency plans, not prevention of further bad behavior on her part, not a big point, but figured I would make it just the same.

Life is way too short to put up with someone like that!

Playing the “get out of jail card” you have been dealt is your call. Nothing to feel guilty about, you need to do what is best for you and daughter. When I say guilty, I mean your own internal conflict. Guilt is something your conscience puts on you when you harm another, it is misplaced, or misinterpreted in your sitch. No one else is coming down on you for this, other then the wife, and she has put herself into a situation where she has no leg to stand on.

I did not expect this crazyness in my life.

I had expected the sitch to be more worser then it, especially considering this was a three day weekend, with a holiday. Figured she would at least show up at your place.

"I can only assume the worst when you block your facebook friends and avoid my calls that you are finished and don't want to work on this marriage anymore. If you want that woman, have at her. I'm done trying at this point. I've called and begged and tried and prayed and it's not working. Good luck to you."

I hope she really means this because I was actually frightened of that monster yesterday. ………Please tell me she is going to leave me alone now.

No, she is not going to leave you alone now. Would imagine it will die down this week, and pickup again, if not this weekend then another. Would think she would demand a face to face, something along the lines of “I have to hear this from you in person”.

… and oh, I learned this morning that she has called my friend numerous times(she even called this woman's work) where it is to a point where it could be considered harrassment. I hope my wife realizes this before it is too late and starts to control her behavior.

Was thinking I may have read some triggers here, and was simply projecting into your sitch. Am now doubting my second thoughts.