Hmm, so I guess my anger was due to the fact that I feel if I can get forward movement on our finances, I think that will be our ship steered into less stormy water. I thought this was an H issue, and left it in his court (but I didnt tell him this), as previously I did it all. H didn't mind me planning, he would say whatever, until the last couple of years, but has now found it controling. I understand why he would feel this and can address my side. H seems willing to try and work through this now, if I can find a way for us to do it. I have good planning skills, he is more a day to day person, especially now.
The main problem is how can we work on a financial plan together, if we are not supposed to be staying together? I need to do it in a real face saving, its just an option way. But I think I could use it to introduce the idea of "maybe we will stay together", although thats too much, somthing that indicates that?
I dont want to even mention "if we separate", so don't want to use any "we are looking at two path" type comments as pretending separation is not happening seems to help our conversations.
Can anyone suggest an easy way of what I am trying to say?
Once I have my opening statements, we should be able to work through the details. The sorts of issues I would like to discuss is medium term planning, we have a parcel of shares it would be good to sell now to lock in profit (H would like to do this). They are currently in my name, I do not want to sell them if we are uncertain in case things turn real bad and I need cash. H would like to sell them and pay down our credit card or similar. I would be ok with his purpose (letting him decide what to do with the moment 180 for me, not controling), but need to protect my own interests right now too.
Our finances are currently still joint, and will remain so for another few months until large assets are sold (that was plan 3 months ago when we were definately spliting). I was planning on just stalling in the hope we are in a better place as these talks easily become R talks.
But if I introduce a plan now for IF we were to stay together, I feel I might be offering a possible path we could eventually become reality with tweaking from both of us.
Would really appreciate anyones thoughts of help seeing trees and forests and helping me find a position on this I feel comfortable with. H is trying in this area, so I feel I should give him space (his smaller cash spending is a separate issue, and thats what I got frustrated with when really it was the larger planning side of things that stresses me).
