I'm so glad you took it all in such great strides and with such strenght! I too was hoping for a better letter than that...but, on the other hand....MLCers....are notorious for repeating nonsense...(no offence to your H personally).
I think you are right.....the saying does go something like, "believe nothing that they say and only half of what they do"!!!
Your plan doesn't change in all this...you are doing great. If he asks about it....I would say "yes, I read it".... if he continues to ask to talk about it, I would say "I don't really want to talk about it right now." I think I went further even and told my H that "I understood where he was coming from".
Anyways, way to go MJ!!!! You are doing wonderfully. I'm glad you have a good friend nearby. Hope you have a great Monday.
It is even more clear to me today what that letter was all about. Projection, projection, projection! Eight pages of it!
I realize now how sick he really is. I have no doubt in my mind now he is a MLCer. It's so sad. It's so sad for our M. It's so sad for him. I'm sad, but strong. After reading that letter, I feel a PEACE about me. I guess it's knowing that it's not me, like they have said all along.
Today I also made up my mind what I'm going to say if he ever asks what I think of the letter. I'm going to say..." I'm sorry you perceive things to be that way, but my heart goes out to you." Does that sound too sarcastic for a MLCer? Does anyone have a better reply?
Eight pages of projection? That is quite a lot of projecting! Strange that he hasn't asked you if you read it. Or not. Who knows what they are thinking!
Still, you sound like you are doing well and I agree with Stuck -just "sorry you feel that way" is what I would say.
Wouldn't "Sorry you feel that way." Make it seem like I agree with everything he said, and I'm sorry he feels that way. When he said "You will never have a relationship with me again!" Won't he think I'm distraught over it, and I'm sorry he feels that way. Is this coming across clear as to what I'm trying to say?
It sounds like H is in the Withdrawal Stage. It is mixed with Depression and Anger. Anger at himself, but taking it out on me. The tone of the letter was a mixture of woe is me, and it's all your fault.
He came home tonight as nice as could be. I keep wondering when he will ask me what I think of the letter. He may not even remember he wrote it.
First let me say...glad to read that you are keeping a great perspective on this whole thing and a PMA!! Awesome!
Though I have not done much reading on MLCers since May or so...I think its great if he thinks you agreee with him. Basically, you are validating his feeling. I would agree with Stuck on this.
And...... I think he is expecting you to argue the point and say/feel/think that he is doing the wrong thing.
What a 180 to just say "hmm....you have a point Husband". I think it throws him off somehow. Definately, you will have him wondering....
Remember, you control this...he just gave you the letter....big deal....
How you respond to it, how you use it will be the real challege. Don't say or act based on the fear of losing him.
Honey, be strong. Sorry I'm getting to writing so late. I had a late night.
Continue your own journey in this mess, MJ, don't forget...it's not about him! At the end of the day, stay true to you. What you do or say isn't going to keep or lose him - in my opinion....he has to go thru his little journey...and in the meantime....so do you!
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