A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

It's not off the table as far as I'm concerned, Sara, but I was focusing on restoring the affectionate and sexual aspects of the relationship to the exclusion of working on the issues. The man is my husband, so I have no moral or ethical qualms about seducing him at all. For his part, he is trying to be 'loyal' to OW - at least as far as I've been told (back in January). However, those boundaries are his to manage, not mine. And no, I have no compunctions about moving in on another woman's turf when that 'turf' is mine to begin with.

My point is that any slut in Sicily can seduce a man. Being someone he can respect as a wife and life partner takes much, much more. And in particular with him, I think I gain as much or more ground by working on the issues as I do by luring him with sex.

Don't get me wrong - there is luring going on.

[Sara]

Perhaps he would be interested in doing a Retrouvaille weekend with you to improve the communication. (Not that there is a problem now, but there is so much baggage, and it's amazing how you can jettison baggage at a Retrouvaille weekend.) Usually the presence of a third party is a no-starter for Retrouvaille, but it sounds like that has lost its sizzle for him. He would just have to say there's no 3rd party involved when they call to confirm.

[Sara]

Also, as far as luring goes....would it be possible for kidlet to have a sleepover at a friend's house? And you could be home dusting and vacuuming in that really cute little french maid's costume from Victoria's Secret when he comes home from work...or, my favorite, a few steps from the show "Shimmy" wearing a belly dance scarf around your hips (and nothing else) while he watches. You don't need a long dance, about 30 seconds seems very effective.

[Dia]

The Retro weekend on our anniversary was booked, but I am looking for an opening to bring up the one on the 25th - it's the same one I mentioned to SP.

Do they call to confirm with both parties individually?

And btw, as many times as he has been in the guest room since I moved those toys, no, he has not noticed.

As for OW, I believe they have phone contact at least 2x/week, and who knows how often with email.

[Sara]

Yes, they call to talk to both parties. We happened to both be home, so they talked to us both in one phone call. But I have heard of spouses having to call them back because they weren't home when the call came in. This is just like real estate, location, location, location. You presence has to be driving her crazy. Hopefully, she is getting overbearing and demanding or whiny and crying. The longer you hold the prime real estate, the better it is for you.

[Dia]

Re: OW - Yes, this is my hope, too. That she will render herself supremely unattractive or that she will dump his arse. It's strange to think that not only can I have an effect on my H just by changing ME, but I can have an effect on someone who is thousands of miles away that I've never met, seen or spoken to.

[girlfromoz]

I am sure Dia that it won't be too long before H dumps her or OW dumps him, but it will definitely happen and I think you are in a much stronger position than the OW.

[Dia]

Re: Real estate - yes, I am the one bringing him a glass of Chardonnay while Diana Krall croons her heart out.

Cry me a river, OW.

[Dia]

Oh yeah - here's another tidbit.

One morning this weekend, H wandered out while I was still mostly asleep. New kitty was sprawled over top of me, holding me down.

H: Awwwwwwww!

And he hopped in the shower.

By the time he was out, kidlet had woken up and crawled under the blanket to snuggle with me. When H came out of the bathroom, kidlet and I were snuggled together, both of us half-asleep, kidlet's arm thrown over me.

H: AWWWWWWWWW!

Guess it can't hurt for H to see tender family moments.

[givingitmyall]

Possession is 9/10ths of the law.