One of the wisest things I ever read on this board was, "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past".
Yeah, well I hate it when people quote me back to me
All of these comments seem inherently correct -- @Sara, WAW will be gone that weekend, on an "adventure" (whatever the hell that means).
And that's the kicker for me -- they seem "inherently" correct.
Here's where this LBS-becomes-WAS thing seems to hold some water. Great, so she's saying all these nifty things.
"Saying" them. Throughout the DB process, one is admonished not to say, but to do -- to take action.
Well at the beginning of the year, she was "saying" some pretty-not-nifty things AND taking action on them. Action, incidentally, she's since told me she first considered in October. 2006. And had thought about ever since.
Would she be saying these nifty things if No. 1 were different, if I had not changed? Probably not.
Would she be saying these nifty things if No. 2 were different?
Of course it doesn't have to be binary -- both those changes could be in play. But how much of one, and how much of the other?
We're told -- WAS won't believe you. WAS has to experience you.
Okay, fine, fair enough. But shouldn't it work the same way, in reverse?
"Ignore 50% of what they do and 100% of what they say" -- haven't I seen that here, there, and everywhere on these boards once if I've seen it a hundred times?
Well which is it? Believe it or don't?
Schnarch. You don't have to believe anything until you experience it.
And what have I experienced? E-mail. E-mail and a 15-minute talk after Fabulous MC#2 No. 1. But there have been lots of talks -- lots of good ones, even, since D-Day. D-Day itself, ironically enough, was a good talk.
What makes that one good talk different? What makes it weigh more than "I hate you," "I have no feelings for you," "I'm not attracted to you sexually anymore," "I'm being strangled in this marriage," "you're a nice guy but not my guy," "there will never be a reconciliation," "I should have dumped your worthless a** 10 years ago,".....
What makes that good talk weigh more than being spat upon?
Therein lies the difficulty I have. And incidentally @Kett, this is not about (non)forgiveness; I know myself well enough to know I can forgive adultery. There'd have to be a lot of STD testing, but the getting-beyond I could manage.
This is about uncertainty of intentions. This is about expectation of Belief.
Maybe she's scared; I know she's hurt by what Signore did -- she told me. So what do you do? Well, go get settled, get secure, get SP-mojo'd up again -- and then once the fear wears off, out we go again.
And unlike the Cap'n in "Cool Hand Luke" you can't keep 'em off the road when their minds ain't right, they get rabbit in their blood, and they run (@ 0:20).
The age-old problem of Free Will. On both sides.
I'm being asked to gamble my hard-won equilibrium on Belief. An equilibrium I achieved, incidentally, by following the prescription of action-and-not-belief.
