Don't get me started on the loss of family values. My 75 year old FIL said to me the other day about his own daughter, "I don't understand her, why won't she put more effort into this. It is way too easy for people to just divorce nowadays, I think that it has become too much of an easy, lazy way out." Smart man.
ORICH, (Sorry for the slight hijack Tristan), aren't you guys going to Retrovaille soon? I'm crossing my fingers that you still are and that your wife's head and heart will be open to it. Let THE COUPLES there tell their stories, you don't have to say a thing to pressure her to want to work on the M. Please don't do that. \ The stories and program will take care of that. No BS about how great divorce is... She'll need a whole lot of resistance in her to shut it ALL out...but that means that YOU let them do their thing and just get what you can out of it. See what happens. j- And Tristan, your plan on detaching has backslides for one of 3 reasons: 1) fear/weakness at setting boundaries and enforcing them, 2) worry that your strategy is wrong, or 3) a combination of the first 2...
As for #1, no matter what happens, getting past the fear/weakness is ALL up to you and no matter what happens, YOU have to do it...
As for #2, check results, A lot of what Puppy and Robx said seems to be helping you and maybe her...all you know is that what you did in the past was not "manning up with the balls, etc" and did not work, AND you have no control over your w anyhow....all you control is you.
Give the strategy a real test. As for when she discovers her "authentic" self.... um, she may just come to decide she's a MOTHER and wants to do what's best for her kids AND that she still is attracted to YOU and that she has a motive for working on the m.....or not.
But if her so called authentic self, turns out to be a selfish, irresponsible B%$#& who puts her "Needs du jour" ahead of all others, including her own flesh and blood, then I say "SEE YA!!"
TODAY you sound like a great guy. Your past with your w was different though and you made some crappy choices that hurt the M, so in the future, avoid those errors and don't put all the blame on the past issues on HER. Today, it's on her. Yesterday...you learned from, right?
Enough said, Good luck, J
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
um, she may just come to decide she's a MOTHER and wants to do what's best for her kids AND that she still is attracted to YOU and that she has a motive for working on the m.....or not.
