A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

Ok, the heavy lifting is done as far as the guest room is concerned. And it's a guest room again, not a junk room. It's not pristine and won't be until the larger M issue is settled one way or the other, but it's functional. There's still work to be done in there today, but I've made immense progress and the room is light, bright and cheery despite the remaining boxes.

H hugged me as part of thanking me during a break. We fumbled the hug a bit, each turning the wrong way.

H <superman voice>: Turn your boobies toward me, woman. I want to hug you.

Dia <soft and sultry>: Come with me to the back of the house and you can appreciate them in private.

And he *did* follow me down the hall, but bailed and went into the bathroom instead.

Ruminations for the day: I was pondering what would marriage be like with him now - real marriage, not this limboland stuff. It wouldn't be that different, I think. A lot like this but with sex and affection. With future planning, shared goals and all that. But the day to day wouldn't be that different.

On the house and garden - I've been thinking on this for awhile now. The changes H had made to the house, the garden, the curtains, etc. are all plans I had before I left. Additionally, he sleeps on my side of the bed curled up with the body pillow I used when I was expecting. He confessed once that doing that makes him feel less lonely. Perhaps it's only coincidence, but for someone who was allegedly trying to get me out of his head, out of his space and out of his life, he sure managed to keep himself surrounded with my presence. Viewed a certain way, the house and garden are almost a shrine to my dreams for it.

On the other side, of course, he took down every photo of me and every piece of my artwork save one. He said it hurt him to see them.

Also, his things have swelled to fill the master closet but the drawers on my side of the dresser have remained empty. One of them holds all the photos and things that he took down, but the other two are empty, empty empty. In excavating the guest room, I've found clothes for all of us stuffed in various bags and laundry baskets. These have been sorted, washed and alternately put away or marked for donation. I've found a lot of my own things that were left behind. I don't mind having the extra clothes as I've been living out of a suitcase since I got here, but it does pose a logistical problem. There's nowhere to put them.

The guest room has no closet and all of my things now are in about 18 inches of hanging space in the hall closet and on two small shelves in the same. So I put stuff in my old drawers in the master bedroom. He has no reason to open them, so he probably won't even know. I'd really like to have my half of the closet space back, but I'm afraid to ask for that just yet, and I think just doing it might be a bit much.

Not angry today. Sleep and hard work have beaten it out of me, at least temporarily.