I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

Well, he already moved out four months ago.

Tonight I'm feeling rage I didn't know I had. He told me he will not stop seeing the OW and it's up to me to prove in therapy that I'm better than her.

Hope,

I know the feelings your describing well. Just like Felix, my W refuses to put her crack pipe (OM) down too. To hell with the OW. You don't need to prove anything to anybody except yourself. Time to start assessing where things went wrong in your MR, what your contributions were to the problem(s) and how you intend to address them with yourself.

He's very hurt from some things I've done in the past. I've blamed myself since he left.

He has been gone four months and before that, how long was Felix putting you through hell? Seems to me your done apologizing to dumba$$ and blaming yourself. Enough! I'm with Stuck- time to start playing hardball.

Tonight I'm furious that he blames me to justify his actions. I am furious that he won't admit his part in the disintegration of our marriage. I've done a lot of things wrong, and that is why he left. But I'm tired of that being the end of the story.

Of course he won't accept accountability for his role in the MR- I don't think any of these WAS ever do- it's everybody else's fault.

And then, yesterday we had the best day together as a family that we've had since he left. He spent every minute with us and it felt so solid. We stayed up talking until four in the morning - he opened up to me in ways that he hasn't since he left. I got the closeness feeling I've been wanting for months, yet I have all these bombs dropped too. I don't understand what's going on. It's so confusing.

I feel completely mind f***ed. It such a roller coaster ride, I don't know what to think or feel.

I hate to say this Hope, but it sounds like Felix (do you mind if I call him Felix?)is just trying to butter you up here in order to gain your cooperation. I had similar experiences with my W earlier in my sitch too. My W stopped the nonsense when it became apparent I wasn't buying it anymore.

For now, be selfish- think and feel only for yourself.

Hang in there, you will get through this.

Take care.