Thanks so much for the input. Given your sitch, I was interested to hear your take. I really appreciate it.
Funny that one of the big things I think was present in our sitch was my not taking a role in our finances. She has always done that. I have been taking more of that back. But it is difficult not to come off as controlling. I perceive she just wants some help and the ability to discuss our finances, good or bad.
Just consider finances one of the "rooms" you must cover. Talking about it will help her, don't fix it but listen.
The Greek loves having a schedule. I can plan on the fly and love being spontaneous. Imagine my surprise when I found out she wanted more of that. What a woman tells you it not always what they mean.
Old joke from the Benny Hill show. Husband and wife lying in bed. He looks over amorously and asks, "When you say no do you really mean yes? She answers, "No." Then the confused husband look.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
No pun intended, but your advice is right on the money. This is exactly the sort of fine tuning I need. Despite working on my listening and not trying to "fix" other areas, I think I have been trying to fix the financials. I bear half that load, but I think most of the time, she just wants me to listen and be aware of our financial sitch. Duh!
On the "schedule" issue, my W is precisely that way. She says she doesn't want to do anything special on a given weekend night (usually/always uses $ as the reason - whether or not that IS the case- another issue for us to work on) but she has a good time if we try a new restaurant, see a movie, whatever. Since the mess all started, she has not told me or shown she really enjoyed any of those types of things. More like a friend saying "yeah, that was fun.". Could just be she's not ready to show me that "room" of hers.
One thing I do find interesting is a statement she made when she dropped the bomb - she would give me a chance to show my changes but she "would not wait 6 months.". Its been a little over 4 mos and if anything, she is not running away. We'll see.
Good day so far. Got in a great workout with a speed run at the end. Came home, washed both cars (did it for me not her-I do my best thinking when I am occupied with a mindless task) and now am enjoying a malt beverage (non-alcohol cuz that's how I'm rollin these days) on my back deck. S is taking it easy after he spiked a 103.8 fever last night with a trip to the ER. W has a cooking class tonight so it's me and the big screen and football. Not too shabby.
Either tonight or tomorrow night, I will discuss our finances with W - thanks Coach and Greek. And I will set about coming up with something out of the ordinary for W and I. Maybe just a night out for pizza and drinks (me, club soda and a lime - see above). Just to let her and us have a grown up meal.
My friend (we called him K before) will be returning tonight after a family trip this weekend. K's W asked for a D last weekend and borrowed my W's (and a bunch of others I have read about here) script. Haven't heard from him all weekend, and I hope for his sake that's a good thing.
Ugh, sorry to hear about K's W. I'll add him to the list of those who are in my prayers. I'm sure you'll let him know that it ain't over yet and to hang in there.
Cheers!
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
W came back from her cooking class, and she's in a great mood. And the cake she brought back was pretty good too.
She was really excited and proud of herself for the cake she made and decorated (it's a cake decorating class). She really did a great job. Looks professionally done.
I really paid attention and complimented her. Told her her cake was fantastic and that she did great.
Don't think this has anything to do with me, but it's great to see her this happy.
She has been very talkative tonight. Lots of joking and light hearted discussion.
