One of the wisest things I ever read on this board was, "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past". When you parse it that way, continued unforgiveness seems pretty futile.
The problem seems to be, is she willing to start from now and extend an assumption of good intent towards you in this area as you go forward?
Upon reflection, her dealbreakers are ridiculous, viewed as "what I would need to go forward". You can't get quality intimacy and being there in the middle of outside relationships and/or divorce proceedings, can you now?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
