Ive not been online much as my internet was off for about a week, but i am now back up and running. i am back into the swing of things at work and things seem to be going well.
Journaling.... I did have a really hard night last night for the first time in quite a while. To make things worse I watched a movie that ended up being really sad, eventho it had a happy ending and that set me off and i didnt really get back up for the night. i also feel like its hard being away from all my family again and its a holiday weekend so i know they are all having a good time together which makes me sad that im not there too.
last week was fine when i returned home, i was really tired and got back to normal things quickly. i had a good weekend eventho it was rather uneventful, i was so glad to rest and catch up on things for myself. but everything hit me hard sunday night and i started to fall apart. i eventually got to sleep but woke up about 4am and didnt really get back to sleep before i had to get up for work. i had a bad morning at work following the bad night, but half way thru the day i started to feel better as i was surrounded by people and busy-ness. I had a boring meeting followed by some good training. and i started to think maybe i was being a bit dramatic this morning.
I had some contact via email w H last week and well to be honest i was v to the point and business like, i stated what i needed and that i would take care of x, i didnt answer his question 'am i back in the country?' bc well i felt it was obvious i was otherwise i wouldnt asking about a certain bill company. and i didnt comment on him saying he hopes i had a good time. so yeh maybe i did come across cold, but i was feeling v direct and no nonsense and i was annoyed at the little mess i had to come back to regarding the bill problems. so maybe that is my fault, not facilitating a good 'environment' for friendly communication. i didnt feel like laying a golden path for him. so anyway didnt hear from him the rest of the week. maybe what is coming across in my actions is anger, maybe he can see/feel that.
today i got a text saying hi, wanted to let u know im going away for a week or so, will talk to u when i get back. hope u r doing well.
it kind of made me angry. i didnt respond, dont know if i should. i mean i could be glad he thought i should know if he is away in case of emergency or something. i just thought what kind of person goes away and doesnt know when he is coming back, 'a week or so', yeh ok whatever. i felt like saying have a nice time w your adulteress whore of a gf, but i didnt, i mean i dont even know if they are together, or if they would go away together, they both work together so dont even know if they would b allowed time off at the same time. and either way that is the last thing i want to waste my time thinking about. ok so the whole 2nd half of this paragraph is complete mind reading and speculation, i think its the anger again, so anyway stopping that.
so anyway nothing has changed w my sitch but i am angry. i feel like i should respond to the text.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
