My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[BeingMe]

Hi H'mama! Toastmasters is great for meeting people, not just for learning to speak in public (although we all can sharpen that tool). And, if you're good at it, then you could help others learn.

Although D13 is usually with you and you never know when she will be with her dad, does not mean you can't make a plan to be somewhere one night in the week or a day on the weekend. I am sure she can stand to be alone for a couple of hours (she is over 12 now) or you can tell her dad that that night he must have her.

It does sound like your male friend could be a possibility. And, wouldn't that be wonderful?! But, the reason I am beating the drum of going out, meeting new people, is that he may not be the one. And, I would hate for you to "wait" and then be disappointed. It looks like he is not exactly "waiting" until he is ready before dating. (And, I suspect that he may be a tad overbearing in that regard, like your XH ---- he is a professor and they are not known for their flexibility in thought or small egos --- I could be wrong about this one, and you know him best, but a few things you wrote, put a flag up for me.)

Also, your daughter is going into the teen phase, and I know teens. They generally don't want to hang around mom or dad, and since dad isn't there, you are the one that's going to be left on her own. It's bad enough as it is now. Believe me, I hardly see my D16 even when she's right here at home. I like that she's independent, has loads of friends, is busy with things like air cadets, school, etc. but I miss her sometimes. For example, we used to lie on my bed and watch our favourite program (Star Trek: Voyager) every night. None of that anymore. Now she is more interested in her dad (if any parent) 'cause he has the motorbike, and drives her to go flying the gliders, and so on. Just know that this is coming, although it may be different for you. All my kids were the same in varying degrees, but I was closest to D16 and didn't think it would happen with her. Yeah, right!

Try and go for things that don't cost anything, or cost very little. Just get out there, just one night/day a week. Have something for yourself. Live for yourself, not your daughter (who will be leaving for college within the next 5 years) or any other person. Show her how a woman reacts to a man abandoning her. She moves on through the pain and GAL.

Take care.