Trixi, I have been out with girlfriends and in groups, but not on dates. MY XH has several times "accused" me of going on dates, or being interested in someone else. He wanted to know all the details and said he was "just curious". It did seem to bother him a lot and that seemed to be when he was coming back to "check in".
I have wondered if I should pursue male friendships, but I really worry about the reaction of my XH. I know that is foolish! I have been talking more with my college boyfriend friend (who lives 10 hours away) and it is really nice to have that validation that you don't get from the XH. Lots of interesting insights, because he has been down that road too. His advice was to make a big move on MY terms (like start dating or move all my things out of the house) and put the ball squarely in his court, showing him that I am moving on to live my life. Sounds like good advice, but scary.
I asked him once why he just didn't cut it off with me and he said that he was waiting for me to do it. He does not have the strength, or whatever, to. So I worry that playing hardball will send him a message that I have let him go and he is now free from making that decision himself. Kind of like he couldn't reconcile even if he wanted to, so better to just move on because I made a choice, not him. Stupid? Maybe.
I am having a very hard day because I keep fighting with my thoughts and emotions (plus PMS, yay!). I know that he has been gone with her for 5 days, basically. But I also know that he was closer to me last week than he has been for MONTHS, maybe even a year, and he really seemed unsure of his feelings for her. He can't have all those conflicted feelings then just turn them off in one day. I know that his best friend and his friend's young son were also with him this past weekend, so it wasn't like a romantic getaway. But he still chose to take her with him. This was supposed to be his weekend to have the kids and he did not take them. Don't know if her kids went, would guess not. I know he has only called our own kids once since he's been gone. Guilt? It's the not knowing what is in his head that drives me mad!
