Are you doing the photography for you or for your H?
Take the photography class and STOP thinking if it will be okay or affect him.
Or let me put it to you this way. Both you and the OW take a crap in a toilet. Are you going to stop doing that too?
Don't take that personally.
Not taking it personally. Found it rather amusing actually.
Thanks for the replies/encouragement. He knows I've been interested in photography for a while. He even mentioned it to OW, though he played it off as more his interest.
After spending as much as I did on that camera, I really should learn to use it to it's full potential. Thanks for the kick in the @$$. I need those from time to time!
I think a lot of people don't recognize the harm an EA can do, or even recognize what an EA is. One problem with that is that it means that when/if you "confront" them about the EA, they don't understand how you can be upset.... they don't even see that there is any kind of "A" going on, so they are offended.
I think that's exactly what happened...is still happening.
Yes, and at first I noticed a big improvement. Then this past week, a bit more coldness. So far this evening, things look good. We're talking about going out for dinner.
Amazing how they are all so similar, huh? I guess that makes it a little easier to deal with, knowing we're not alone.
So dinner was okay, but I now wonder if that was too much pressure. He seemed fine before we went, but on the drive over and over dinner, he was tense and wouldn't speak much. I babbled on as if things are normal between us, but ran out of things to say by the time we got to the restaurant. Perhaps we should've chosen a place closer to home.
We decided to check out a place we had seen advertised and always wanted to try that had live music so there wasn't much pressure to talk over dinner.
Anyway, later on at home, he fell asleep in the recliner. I ended up getting sick then having to clean it all up. Hopefully it was just something I ate because D and I are supposed to head out this morning to visit my folks for the rest of the weekend. If I wind up stuck here sick, I'm afraid it will only increase tension.
I'm about to head home after a weekend at the lake with my D and parents. H stayed home. I have this terrible feeling that I'm going to walk into something bad when I get home. Maybe he'll be moved out, or maybe he'll just be in a terrible mood.
I noticed that OW is no longer on his friend list on FB. In fact, from what I can tell (because we had a couple of other mutual friends) she has closed her FB account entirely. I wonder if he is upset by this. It looks like she's cutting off avenues for contact.
She didn't close her account, she just blocked all of you. Trust me, she's still there.
You have to stop psyching yourself out.
Do you want to know HOW many of the old timers here know how important detaching is? This is just my theory, but I would bet my next paycheck on it....
There have been plenty of people here who used to freak out like you (and me in the beginning too), based their moods on their WAS's moods, reacted to WASs and were just generally depressed about what the WAS was doing and the whole situation.
Then one day, the LBS gets "over it". They get tired of feeling scared and stressed and they get more tired of the egg shells. They just get over all of of the WAS's bs. The LBS finally decides, "Ok, maybe divorce would be better. It's got to be better than living like this, in this hell." So the LBS seemingly detaches. Finally. They get over it and seemingly detach.
I say seemingly because in actuality, they aren't detaching as much as the they are officially planning to move on, to truly let go. But forever.
Then, something amazing happens. The WAS spouse starts to care and shows it. The WAS makes effort and starts to DB.
Then the LBS has a decision to make....keep moving on or return to the marriage.
And it's a hard decision because the LBS was able to start making strides toward a direction without the WAS. They get to see life without WAS and WAS gets to see life with LBS. And sometimes unfortunately for the WAS, the LBS sees this life and likes it, even prefers it....and the marriage ends. But sometimes, the LBS is happy to come back they work it out.
So you have to detach. You have to live a normal life, or as clost to it as possible. You are really going to lose your mind if you constantly worry about him and his moods and what he may be doing.
Thanks. I need that kick in the butt now and then. I'm also glad to know I'm not just talking to myself on here.
I got home yesterday afternoon and he was just drifting off for a nap. So of course, he was pissy when we came in and made noise. He didn't even offer to help unload the car. He went into a rant about how he had to clean so much hair out of the drain (mine and D15's) and had to replace part of the pipe because it was corroded. I just said "sorry" and left the room.
Then I went into the bedroom to start unpacking and he settled back into the recliner to resume his nap. Half an hour later or so, I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and accidentally knocked over a tape gun that was sitting on the counter. I got the evil eye and he got up and announced that he was giving up on his nap. I got D15 and we went to a store she wanted to go to and out for dinner.
Funny thing, I felt like I was starting to detach back in July. I began to envision a life without him and even look forward to it. But then, it was like one morning, I woke up and I'm right back here again. I'm trying to get back to the detached mindset, but haven't made it yet. It seems to cycle for me.
I'm reading other threads and trying to learn from observation, but don't feel like I have any advice to give at this point.
I wish I could be on here more, but it's difficult at work (where I am now) and at home, sitting around on the computer is pretty much what we've always done, so I'm trying to 180 and GAL. It's hard though. Seems like anything I want to do costs money and with the prospect of single parenthood lurking, I'm reluctant to spend anything.
Edit to add: I took some great photos at the lake though!
Keep in mind this: Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. He’s going to make you the bad guy every chance he gets. If you are the bad guy, then no one will blame him for leaving you. My H did such a good job of this to his parents, that now his parents are one of his biggest obstacles in coming back. He made me sound like a complete whack job who was holding his child over his head. He even told his parents that I was harassing him at work, calling all day long so that if he got fired, they would think it was my fault. In reality he and OW were carrying on at work and they were called into the “principal’s office” twice. The second time they were told to cool it, he told his parents that I was making him crazy at work. Simply and utterly NOT true. Basically, my point is this: Everything is your fault and it should be because you can’t do anything right. So be aware and take this as another reason to avoid him if you see he’s got stinky face or is obviously in a bad mood.
